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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:17 am
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A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour. "This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!" "And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat.The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room. Peter pulls him to one side, and whispers into his ear, "Shhh.... don't tell anyone. That's God. He thinks he's Yngwie Malmsteen

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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:21 am
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Quote:
A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour. "This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!" "And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat.The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room. Peter pulls him to one side, and whispers into his ear, "Shhh.... don't tell anyone. That's God. He thinks he's Yngwie Malmsteen





Now that was good!

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Post subject:
Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:15 am
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ugh

I broke aG string while fingering A minor

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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:37 am
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Greeneyesj wrote:
you know when ur a guitarist when your parents say they dented your fender and you run upstairs to look at your strat.


that's a good one!!! I would do that!!!

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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:40 am
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matt101590 wrote:
ugh

I broke aG string while fingering A minor


At least you prefaced the joke with the proper sentiment.


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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:55 am
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I've got a couple.

What's the differense between a guitar and a fish?
you can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
Pick on someone your own size!!!

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it and five to fight off the lead guitarist who hogs the light.

And since everyone keeps dissin drummers I think I'll be the first to say something nice about them.

Did you hear about the drummer that locked his keys in the car?
It took him five hours to get the bass player out.

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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:12 am
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What do you call someone with no talent that hangs out with a band?






A drummer :roll:


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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 11:17 am
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1) Jay London on Last Comic Standing 2 yrs ago said:

"When I was a kid I told my parents I wanted to be a musician. They gave me a blunt instrument and said, 'Knock yourself out!'"

2) Q: If a banjo player, an accordion player, and a bagpipe player all fell off a cliff at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
A: Does it matter?

Tha-tha-that's All Folks!


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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:32 pm
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mordux wrote:
What do you call someone with no talent that hangs out with a band?






A drummer :roll:


Drumming isn't all that easy you know. It takes talent. Not just anyone can be a drummer. I'm a drummer and a guitarist and that's how I see it. No one has to agree with me(it would be nice) and I probably stand alone. Wasn't there another drummer on this website? I don't know, I thought there was. I'm not tryin to single you out, there's a lot of nasty jokes about drummers on here that aren't true. I tried to lighten up the mood for the drummers of the world with my first post on this thread, but it didn't work.

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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:43 pm
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Mrs. Drake Bell wrote:
Drumming isn't all that easy you know. It takes talent. Not just anyone can be a drummer. I'm a drummer and a guitarist and that's how I see it. No one has to agree with me(it would be nice) and I probably stand alone. Wasn't there another drummer on this website? I don't know, I thought there was. I'm not tryin to single you out, there's a lot of nasty jokes about drummers on here that aren't true. I tried to lighten up the mood for the drummers of the world with my first post on this thread, but it didn't work.


I didn't chuckle either, but lighten up dude. Don't take it personally, geez these guys wouldn't know you if you dropped a tom tom on their head.

It's been quoted that EVH didn't laugh when he first saw Spinal Tap because, "It all happened to me." Just roll with it, man. (no pun intended.)

I know the world doesn't revolve around me when I screw in a light bulb, but I laugh at the guitar and singer jokes anyway (when they're funny).


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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:05 pm
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I agree that Drummers are always underestimated. Yes I myself is a drummer and it is very difficult like any other instrument . I'm not feelin the love from some people towards drummers. Drummers are the most important person in a band (My opionion). But so are the other instruments. It is just like blonde jokes. Yes they are funny but can be said to some blondes or brunettes or redheads(or green, blue pink, etc). People should just lay off some of the Drummer jokes(unless they are pro drums!) 8)


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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:34 pm
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i read somewhere that a guy said most guitarist/bassist spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune, i know its not funny but it makes ya think (i didnt say it would make you think for a long time)

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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:22 pm
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People shouldn't take things so seriously. Just go with the stereotypes that all individual musicians are associated with and laugh with and at it.

Guitarists are self centered and arrogant
Drummers are about as smart as a pale of water
and Bass players are really just unnecessary tagalongs that give nothing to the band....

Oh wait that last one is true....




Hahaha I kid, I kid.

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Post subject:
Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:48 pm
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Mrs. Drake Bell wrote:
mordux wrote:
What do you call someone with no talent that hangs out with a band?






A drummer :roll:


Drumming isn't all that easy you know. It takes talent. Not just anyone can be a drummer. I'm a drummer and a guitarist and that's how I see it. No one has to agree with me(it would be nice) and I probably stand alone. Wasn't there another drummer on this website? I don't know, I thought there was. I'm not tryin to single you out, there's a lot of nasty jokes about drummers on here that aren't true. I tried to lighten up the mood for the drummers of the world with my first post on this thread, but it didn't work.


That was a joke, son--okay I'm done doing Foghorn Leghorn.
I tell drummer jokes, not because I think so little of them--heck I'd be useless as a drummer, I tell them because I know drummers, and I like them--but we kid each other--that's how things work--it lightens the mood and we can all use a laugh.

So here's another drummer joke-
Quote:
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and a drummer who keeps time were walking down the street and they see a $100 bill--who gets the money?

Nobody--none of them exist.


I kid because I care.

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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:02 am
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jeffo46 wrote:
How many Guitar Center employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, They're all too busy trying to screw you over!

Oh so true :(

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