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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 8:02 pm
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KPI wrote:
so I've a question for the old timers / married guys

i can be happy by myself with lots of money, or i could spend all my money doing things together with her and be happy too, so i have choice. but from the guys who are currently in a serious relationship/marriage with a woman, is it really just some constant never ending spend where the woman goes "i want i want i want" (not in a greedy way, just in an entitled way) and you are meant to be the provider of that?


in a word, no.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 8:22 pm
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I'm not sure I want to jump on the
"That's life. Suck it up, buttercup!"
bandwagon.

This is a relatively new relationship. There is no marriage here. It was her idea to take an expensive vacation after just a few months together and since there was no thank you but only a sense of entitlement on her part I think it's pretty obvious she's working this gig for all she can get. I'd bet she has only short term plans. I smell trouble brewing in the long haul.

I am a very generous man until I sense I'm being taken advantage of. Then my attitude changes abruptly. If this were me I'd be weighing the pros and cons of various exit strategies as a contingency plan and begin watching everything more circumspectly.

Loving a woman and providing for her needs if she is less able to do so for herself is by no means an excuse for her to extend no gratitude or respect in return.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 12:46 am
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KPI....Ha ha....Jeezez dude....

Buy one of these and reality will never come bite you at any angle......

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If you don't mate......You'll wish to high heaven shouting her was even minutely serious drama's in 10 years!!!

It's like a choose your own adventure book my friend.....

Choose wisely..... :|

Good luck finding that piece of gear....I'm still looking they are hard to come by....

Ha ha ha....

Sorry could'nt help it..... :P

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 1:38 am
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Like it or not, by engaging in 'married behaviors', you are in a de facto marriage. She suggests, you accede, she gives sex, and you front the cash. Obviously you both know what each other makes at their job[s] and it is unreasonable from a woman's stand point to expect her to treat this 'vacation' as an equal opportunity to pay the bills.

If you aren't comfortable with paying for things and it is pretty clear that you are not, you need to have a straight forward conversation with her and tell her that you wish to continue to date, but not go on expensive excursions. At that point, she may just make your decision for you or she may prove to be less mercenary than you suspect.

Your logic may be 21st century, but the Western dating paradigm is not. Men are overwhelmingly still expected to 'pay to play' and some women capitalize on the concept. All women are high maintenance - some just spend more money than the others. The rest just want to monopolize nearly all your emotions or your time when it is convenient for their needs.

If you expect to be in a relationship, be prepared to surrender a great deal more than money. Compromise is not 50/50 and you will learn to give, then give more, or be alone.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 10:12 pm
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KPI wrote:
i can be happy by myself with lots of money, or i could spend all my money doing things together with her and be happy too, so i have choice. but from the guys who are currently in a serious relationship/marriage with a woman, is it really just some constant never ending spend where the woman goes "i want i want i want" (not in a greedy way, just in an entitled way) and you are meant to be the provider of that?


A good relationship isn't like that. You invited her on the trip and make more money than her, so I guess there is an expectation that you'd be picking up most of the costs.

But a thoughtful girlfriend would not take advantage of your generosity, nor would she fail to say "thank you."


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 11:12 pm
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I'm taking OP is feeling that he is taken advantage of which my guess is that you probably might not be with her for much longer.

My Partner and I operate on this principle. I pay, you pay, I pay etc.. then again, our accounts are joint so doesn't really matter- but we still do it and thank each other.
A true woman wouldn't suck the lifeblood out of your wallet or your cards mate. Even so- yes, do pay however she should thank you in some way and hey- she should pay too sometimes!. It takes two to tango in a relationship.

Personally, if I was to choose between an absolutely stunning model like blonde with- er... all the 'atributes' shall I say.. and being broke for the whole relationship and getting no thankyou or appreciation, I would drop her in a second. A real woman will put as much in as you do. Otherwise, how are you going to save money? it doesnt grow on trees you know! ;)

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 3:32 am
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When I was younger I paid for all the dates I went on. Any weekend trips or vacations we split. Now that I'm married my wife and I split the bills 50-50 and we each have our own money. Its worked great for 23 years so far.

Any girl that thinks she is entitled to spend your money isn't worth the time or effort long term. Have your fun and then get rid of her because it will not last years own the road. 8)


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 1:44 pm
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When I was younger I dated many girls that were very happy to let me spend endless amounts of money on them. When it came down to it they were not really interested in me, they just enjoyed eating out and going to movies or symphony etc. Also being seen "out" with some guy shows other guys, that they are sought after and good PR.

Sounds like your Gal is just playing you along for the fun and adventure. Of course it depends on what you want. If its just a good time then you get what you pay for. If your looking for a girl to marry get rid of this gal pronto!

In the last analysis when choosing a wife look for honesty and character. Ask yourself DOES THIS WOMAN HAVE MY BEST INTERESTS AT HEART? IS SHE LOOKING OUT FOR MY WELFARE AND WELL BEING? WHEN I PUT HER FIRST DOES SHE RECIPROCATE AND LOOK OUT AND PUT ME FIRST?

Listen to your inner self, its already questioning her, hence your posting the question here on the forum. No woman is perfect, but when its right (the woman) you will know.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 8:52 am
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The first few posts pretty much sums it up. If you are in love with her, do what you feel is in your best interest. That being said, if you are more the type to want to hold on to your money, tell her. If she loves you back, she will understand. Be cautious when bringing it up as it could send out the wrong vibe.

As mentioned, the occasional no or not pulling out the wallet when she makes a purchase might also get the message across. It is important in any relationship that boundaries are known as soon as they come up.

If you are thinking about marriage, remember the boundaries you set now will direct your married life. If she is a spender now, just imagine what she will do if she has full access to your money...

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 17, 2013 4:28 am
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Solid Body Love Songs wrote:
KPI wrote:
so I've a question for the old timers / married guys

i can be happy by myself with lots of money, or i could spend all my money doing things together with her and be happy too, so i have choice. but from the guys who are currently in a serious relationship/marriage with a woman, is it really just some constant never ending spend where the woman goes "i want i want i want" (not in a greedy way, just in an entitled way) and you are meant to be the provider of that?


in a word, no.


+1

Signed,
Mike, very happily married for 33 years. :wink:

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Mon May 20, 2013 11:22 pm
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If you feel you are being used, you probably are. You buying gifts for her to give to family and friends is way out of bounds. And of course little or no thanks from her....
Next time come to Thailand where I live. Plenty of rentals available, and added benefit of not having to pay her airfare AND she can't follow you home. Just remember to trust no one and believe nothing. More stories than WTC


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