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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 3:22 pm
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Sorry, but this is just sad. This should have been discussed with HER before you even went. Building this kind of relationship and not talking with HER about it is why the divorce rate is hovering near 50%. If you can't talk with HER about such things, then move on as YOU are not REALLY ready for the commitment you think you are. You already resent her, why would you not talk to HER about that. You might be surprised that SHE didn't know how to approach the subject with you.

BTW...Yes I know of what I speak, been married for over thirty years and only been married to one woman. I spent 28 years in the USAF and have been sent to all sorts of places you don't want to know about but we ALWAYS talked about it with EACHOTHER before hand...it is the ONLY way.

T2

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 3:39 pm
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rudorama wrote:
...Of course, I realize that we're hearing only your side of the story...

My two cents.


You may have nailed it ! :lol:

She might have dumped him after the trip, which could explain why he's lamenting here...

cheers!

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 3:53 pm
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I had a girlfriend like that. I paid for everything & she expected it. No thanks, no nothing. so I dumped her & enjoyed my life better. If your constantly paying now, you will be constatly paying till the end.. You can do better.

Ive got a mate who had this 6ft pure blone etc... Fine looking girlfriend. However I remember the time when she surprised him with a 'gift' that she arranged a weekend away for just the two of them. 5star resort down country with mountain biking and all sorts of activities. Needless to say she didn't even pay to get down there, nor did she drive- he did. In fact, he was even surprised that he was asked by her to give his credit card. Not even a dinner, he paid the lot. Two days and a couple grand later, with a lot of moaning and complaining to me about it, he just realised something that I was seeing along. :roll: ..whipped.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 4:19 pm
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Here's my rock bottom honest advice. Get out. Now. Before you do something stupid like knock her up. Brutal, but honest.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 6:45 pm
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I have dated women like that-but not for long.If you stick with her she'll have you in the poor house in no time,she sees you as a meal ticket more than a boyfriend.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 5:59 am
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nikininja wrote:
Had money, had non, never been happier than with my missus.
Money don't come into it.
And here is a bit of truth that 41 years has taught me. If this is crossing your mind now, to choose between money and a girl. Then ditch her, do her a favour.

Amen, +1000 to everything he said.

If this is bothering you, what are you gonna do when the relationship advances to the point where you don't completely control the money flow any more? (...and it does happen, boys--especially if you have a normal, honest relationship...)

You either don't like her as much as you think you do, or you like your money more than you like her...

Either way, get out now, because if you can't express your feelings about this to her, you have a serious communication problem.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 6:13 am
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My post seemed like it was mostly criticizing you (and it kinda was :P )...just for fairness sake, take this into consideration:

Lady Armadillo is an industrious, thrifty (to the point of being a tightwad on occasions) and intelligent woman who has helped me to manage money better and keep us "in the black" throughout our 20-year marriage. Even though we're not well-off, we never want for necessities (and looking at my herd, we have quite a few luxuries, too). She consults me on most purchases, even though I do not need, ask or require her to do so.

Cousin of Lady Armadillo (for the sake of this discussion, we'll call her "Attilla the Pain") is quite the opposite. She spends money that doesn't even belong to her. She is a borderline hoarder, yet still continues to buy everything she "likes," even if there's no room, need or use for the item. She has spent her way out of two marriages, and expects her husband to pay for everything, say nothing, and allow her to live the life of a single person--party without him, spend all the time she desires on her hobbies, and have no say about anything in their marriage.

You need to decide which category this girl fits into (or somewhere in between) and decide whether she's worth it.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 8:55 am
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Lightnin MN wrote:

When I met my wife, she was recently out of a bad relationship (married). Though already divorced, they were House Poor and so were both forced to live separately together in their house until it was sold as neither could afford to move out.

To get the house on the Market and get the best possible price, small upgrades, painting, landscaping etc. were needed. My wife couldn't afford 'her share' of the expenses, so I just moved $20k into her Bank Account.

There was never any discussion about who owed whom, this was a woman I loved!

I was travelling 85% of the time, so I gave her the keys to my Condo so she could get away from her former life, and I continued to make all the expense payments.

Two years later we were married. Ten years after that, I retired at 55 and my wife (10 years younger) continued working. She had advanced well in her career and was now making way up in the 6 figures.

Today, we live solely on her earnings. The money I make running my couple sideline businesses goes only to support my hobbies, vaca's, etc.

So it all evens out in the end.

On the practical side, did you two have Carnal Knowledge while on your Vacation Getaway?

How does the money you spent compare with the cost of an Escort 24 Hrs. for X number of days ?

In this Light, I suspect you came out waay ahead !

If you end up marrying her, or remaining together longterm, it's all Moot.

If she's not 'The One', then you're simply bearing the cost of Lessons learned on Love's Path !

Either way, why you would expose such a personal side to an Internet Forum strikes me as a little weird.

Cheers!


Interesting and valid points you brought up and for the most part I agree. But that last statement just made me laugh because, well, you just pretty much just did the same thing. :lol: :lol:

Cheers!

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 1:55 pm
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Hi KPI.
I like coming to the Forum for this type of thread,
as I regard people here as good friends.

Was married for 11 years. Divorced now and with a girlfriend 20 years younger.
Things go sour real fast when we swallow our point of view, feelings etc.
It is bound to surface in the worst of moments, and that will surely make a mess. What is intimacy really?

But this wild swing into now being frontal and assertive perhaps also is not the way.
I have needed to teach myself short phrases, subtle, to handle conversations.

Bottom line is she is taking indiscriminately ´cause you are letting her.
This breeds uncounciousness in her.

When you wrote about not wanting to humiliate her, the choice of words says something about you. Explore your sentiment fully.
My girlfriend, I make her sensitive to my needs, and try to add humor to the
situation.

Surely you can come up with these effective ready-made phrases if you anticipate the scenarios. I find now, people say and do things, I feel thwarted, or in the throes of being manipulated, then I just play my card,
-Sorry it´s not in my interest.
-Given my plans, I can´t afford that right now.
-Honey, I´m under stress here.
:D

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Last edited by mike07502 on Fri May 10, 2013 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:11 pm
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KPI wrote:
...one thing that I remained silent on...

What a hilarious thread.

KPI, if it's easier to talk about your relationship with a bunch of complete strangers on the internet than the person you're in the relationship with, then it's the wrong relationship.

Simple.

Next quick issue to solve: world peace...

Cheers - C

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:24 pm
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Ceri wrote:
KPI wrote:
...one thing that I remained silent on...

What a hilarious thread.

KPI, if it's easier to talk about your relationship with a bunch of complete strangers on the internet than the person you're in the relationship with, then it's the wrong relationship.

Simple.

Next quick issue to solve: world peace...

Cheers - C


Hi Ceri!
That right there gives a new meaning to the concept of Brief Therapy!
This hilarious thread can yield some good stuff.
I for one would enjoy some more Snow-leopard psychology these days!
Indulge us! :P

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:40 pm
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mike07502 wrote:
Ceri wrote:
KPI wrote:
...one thing that I remained silent on...

What a hilarious thread.

KPI, if it's easier to talk about your relationship with a bunch of complete strangers on the internet than the person you're in the relationship with, then it's the wrong relationship.

Simple.

Next quick issue to solve: world peace...

Hi Ceri!
That right there gives a new meaning to the concept of Brief Therapy!
This hilarious thread can yield some good stuff.
I for one would enjoy some more Snow-leopard psychology these days!
Indulge us! :P

Hi Mike.

Uh-hu? OK, let's do world peace. The solution is...

Be nice to each other, folks.

There ya go, sorted. Though I've a feeling I'm not the first person to think of that approach...

Cheers - C

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 2:57 pm
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World peace eh, how about bailing the people out, that's right spread that bailout money around forget the banks they had their chance and lost it all last time why trust them again give it to the people I say we,ll spend it all quick enough to get the economy going KPI gets some his girl gets some I get some you get some everyone gets some .....and be nice to each other.....sorted


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 7:26 pm
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Still haven't heard the other side...

cheers!

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 7:52 pm
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Yeah, +1 on Ripitup555´s theory on bailout!

And world peace, that means everyone gets a Strat.
World peace AND complete fulfillment, add a Tele. :D

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