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Post subject: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 8:30 am
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so I've been dating a girl I quite like for the last few months, recently she wanted to go on an overseas beach holiday and I was quite looking forward to going too, as i like that sort of thing. so we planned it together and went and had a great time and lots of good memories.

but one thing that I remained silent on and kind of held my tounge on during the entire trip, was that I effectively paid for the entire trip, as she earns a lot less money than me, and I earn substantially more, so from a numbers point of view I guess it wasn't really a problem, i had the surplus money to do it.

but what kind of bothered me, which I never spoke to her about, is that it was kind of implied without speaking (or without a please or thankyou) that I would pay for everything regardless, she kind of deferred the tickets, accommodation, meals, gifts for her family etc to me for the entire holiday, I didn't want to bring it up an humiliate her because she has practically no money anyway, but the vibe i was getting, was that because she was with me, she could spend like she was earning the kind of money i earn, but without actually working for it, kind of like she was able to have all this great fun and do all this stuff and i would pickup the tab.

but what I was needing advice:

i can be happy by myself with lots of money, or i could spend all my money doing things together with her and be happy too, so i have choice. but from the guys who are currently in a serious relationship/marriage with a woman, is it really just some constant never ending spend where the woman goes "i want i want i want" (not in a greedy way, just in an entitled way) and you are meant to be the provider of that?


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:11 am
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Your girlfriend is simply behaving as if she is already married to you, and she expects you to provide/pay for everything without question.

If you love her you will say nothing and enjoy being a generous loving provider.

Or be a tightwad and dump her.

I had a very short term relationship with a wealthy woman and she expected me to pay for everything simply because I'm the man and that is what men are supposed to do. She never spent a dime of her own on our dates.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:27 am
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Had money, had non, never been happier than with my missus.

Money don't come into it.

And here is a bit of truth that 41 years has taught me. If this is crossing your mind now, to choose between money and a girl. Then ditch her, do her a favour.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:31 am
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You are simply describing a woman. Are you new on this planet? Get here quickly: www.heartiste.wordpress.com.


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:44 am
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Aspiring Musician
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Talk to her and explain to her that money doesn't grow on trees. It's ok for her to expect to provide if she doesn't make much money, but to plan an extravagant vacation without even having the decency to ask you if it's ok, then what's next?

If you're fine with that then the more power to you. But to me it's pretty clear why she's with you.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:45 am
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Aspiring Musician
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1neeto wrote:
Talk to her and explain to her that money doesn't grow on trees. It's ok for her to expect to provide if she doesn't make much money, but to plan an extravagant vacation without even having the decency to ask you if it's ok, then what's next?

If you're fine with that then the more power to you. But to me it's pretty clear why she's with you.


IMO where she lost major points is not even saying thank you. a good woman will say thank you and show appreciation and "recognition" that you are spending the money. Not trying to take over this thread but can I also just tell you that you sound like me. It will only get worse. You have resentment because she's selfish and entitled and eventually you will complain about it and she will lose all attraction for you and (wrongly) call you "cheap" after you've spent thousands of dollars on her. Then you might tell her that the only difference between her and a prostitute is that she is claiming amateur status.


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:51 am
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Well first of all, to generalize all women as having an "I want I want I want" mindset is total BS. There are plenty of good, down to earth ladies available who aren't materialistic in the least.

Here's the downfall with the situation you described: there was a massive lack of communication right from the start. Any strong relationship needs 100% trust and zero lack in communication. If you're already thinking about leaving this girl this early in the relationship, in all likelyhood you probably will. My suggestion is to BRING UP the trip situation with her because it obviously bothers you. If you don't it'll just create tension, and if you dump her without having discussed it you'll be just as much at fault in the ending of the relationship as she was by spending your money ununannounced on the holiday.


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:54 am
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This is funny, well are the benefits are worth it.?
this is asking a bit much for only dating a few months.
I think you can get a better deal with a rent-a-date.. :lol:
maybe you need to find someone a little less high maintenance.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 10:46 am
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Quick !!... Somebody call the 'Waaa 'mbulance' !!!!

In your 1st sentence you said: "so I've been dating a girl I quite like for the last few months..."

So, you 'quite like' her, but don't want to be generous towards her?

You did say that it was implied that you'd be paying for everything, so you basically knew beforehand. Was paying for everything a prerequisite for her even coming on vacation with you to begin with since she couldn't afford to do so on her own?

So why are you whining about it now?

Money & Relationships don't work ! Money is a counting game while Relationships are not.

Money comes & goes through a relationship and the tally is NEVER even at any given point in time.

You're miffed that she didn't say "Thank You", but did she express appreciation? Isn't that really the same thing?

Love relationships (the good, long-lasting ones at least) are ALL about GIVING, not about keeping score.

When I met my wife, she was recently out of a bad relationship (married). Though already divorced, they were House Poor and so were both forced to live separately together in their house until it was sold as neither could afford to move out.

To get the house on the Market and get the best possible price, small upgrades, painting, landscaping etc. were needed. My wife couldn't afford 'her share' of the expenses, so I just moved $20k into her Bank Account.

There was never any discussion about who owed whom, this was a woman I loved!

I was travelling 85% of the time, so I gave her the keys to my Condo so she could get away from her former life, and I continued to make all the expense payments.

Two years later we were married. Ten years after that, I retired at 55 and my wife (10 years younger) continued working. She had advanced well in her career and was now making way up in the 6 figures.

Today, we live solely on her earnings. The money I make running my couple sideline businesses goes only to support my hobbies, vaca's, etc.

So it all evens out in the end.

On the practical side, did you two have Carnal Knowledge while on your Vacation Getaway?

How does the money you spent compare with the cost of an Escort 24 Hrs. for X number of days ?

In this Light, I suspect you came out waay ahead !

If you end up marrying her, or remaining together longterm, it's all Moot.

If she's not 'The One', then you're simply bearing the cost of Lessons learned on Love's Path !

Either way, why you would expose such a personal side to an Internet Forum strikes me as a little weird.

Cheers!

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Last edited by Lightnin MN on Thu May 09, 2013 1:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 11:05 am
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I have a great woman that I have been with for 25 years and she is actually pretty frugal.She does enjoy splurging once in a while but what girl doesn't.I can guarantee that my wife would say thank you graciously and probably set me up for some good lovin that evening if I treated her like a queen.If you have a woman that just expects it and is not thankful....RUN the other way.She is not entitled to your money at this point of your relationship and has nothing invested in the relationship thus far ,so I would be very careful.Not all women are like what you described.Its a give and take deal....... not a take take take deal.I would politely talk to her about it and go from there.It seems a little early in your relationship to just expect that you pick up the entire tab with no thank you or show of appreciation.As someone else said ...... it sounds like there may have been a lack of communication and that almost always ends bad.I am a super lucky man and I scored a good woman who is very gracious and thankful for the little things in life.Best of luck mate.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 11:29 am
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What kind of fingerpicks does she use?

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 11:49 am
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Hi KPI, seen both sides of this, a girl I went out with for some time never ever went Dutch , I'd spend my whole wage on the weekend, and walk the ten miles there and back during the week to see her, while others never missed their turn at the bar, like the song lyrics some girls do and some girls don't ......thing is it never ever occurred to me either way, Money I mean


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 2:20 pm
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Ever heard the word no


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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 2:43 pm
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I'm a guy that never expected a woman to pay for anything if they were out with me. But I appreciated the ones that said thank you.
The fact that you paid for an entire trip, after only being together for a short time, should have gotten you a verbal thank you. If she doesn't appreciate you now, it will only get worse. I say dump her.

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Post subject: Re: a question for the old timers / married guys
Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 3:21 pm
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Dude, you have answered your own question.
KPI wrote:
so I've been dating a girl I quite like for the last few months

That's your first clue--you haven't known her long enough to be springing for major expense on her behalf, even if you didn't really "mind" doing so.
KPI wrote:
but one thing that I remained silent on and kind of held my tounge on during the entire trip,

If you had to hold your tongue, this whole thing grated on you more than you're willing to admit.
KPI wrote:
but what kind of bothered me,

You're obviously the kind of guy who doesn't really like this sort of behavior.

I don't think (since you asked) that what's really at issue here is the money--as you said, you had it to spend, and you enjoyed the trip yourself--but the apparent lack of gratitude on the part of your lady friend, and her willingness to spend your money as if it were her own, without asking or even consistently saying thanks. Bad manners and etiquette are definite red flags in a budding relationship.

Unless you're willing to openly discuss the situation with her and get some kind of resolution yea or nay, you're just setting yourself up for nagging resentment and an eventual blow-up "Farther On Up The Road", which may be more costly than you can foresee. And if she proves to be hostile to the whole idea or seems totally confused by your concern, you're probably better off without her.

(Cue Bob Seger's Sunspot Baby here)

Of course, I realize that we're hearing only your side of the story...

My two cents.

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