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Post subject: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 8:31 am
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:lol:

opinions are like......

enjoy

"You don't have to go to Gearslutz anymore, I have it all summed up in one post!

Malice posted this on The Womb a few days ago. [edit: after this was linked on GS the original post was found] I don’t think he was the original writer, but this is so dead-on to the typical Gearslutz reaction I had to repost it. If you’ve ever asked for advice or looked up gear reviews on Gearslutz you should get a kick out of this list.

1. Low-end gear means anything under $2000.
2. Everything made by Neumann is crap today. I mean Grade-A dog diarrhea. People only use it because of hype or because they have deals (like LA Guitar Quartet – the KM184 actually SUCKS for guitars, but they have an endorsement so they HAVE to use them…)
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren’t flush against the wall).
4. The only monitors anyone should ever use are the ADAM A7′s or maybe – JUST MAYBE – the Barefoot speakers or the Dynaudio M3′s. And you really need a sub for those.
5. Avalon 737 is trash.
6. Avalon 747 is trash.
7. The Avalon M5 is OK “for bass.”
8. The only mics that can be used for classical guitar are the $2500 Schoeps or some equally priced Sennheiser. Otherwise, nothing in your mic cabinet will work.
9. Teams of well-paid German, Austrian, and Russian engineers consistently miss the mark, because any piece of equipment can be modded by you for $30 in parts to make it sound “just like a Neumann XX” (vintage of course).
10. Anything with the number “500″ on it is a great piece of gear.
11. Anything that says Apogee is good.
12. Anything that has a cat logo or the name of a type of cat is good.
13. The Fireface is really the only firewire interface anyone should ever consider. Everything else – EVERYTHING – belongs in the skip.
14. Why aren’t you using a Mac?
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.
16. The TLM 49 is a close second. It makes everything sound like Barry White garggling wasps.
17. You should’ve gotten a Soundelux U195. God, it is so much better than any Neumann.
18. Or a Peluso 2247.
19. If it doesn’t say Neve, it is crap.
20. If it doesn’t say API, it is crap.
21. If it doesn’t say Manley, it is crap.
22. In a “comparison post,” whatever YOU own is BETTER, regardless of whether you’ve ever heard of it or used it, or if your gear was even listed in the OP’s comparison.
23. Any piece of equipment that is available at Guitar Center or American Musical is crap, except maybe a U87, but that is junk too unless someone from GS swallows it and sh*ts it out, a technique used to simulate 40 years of delicate aging.
24. Any gear that is good must’ve been pulled out of a much larger object and modified to fit in a rack by the actual person that designed it.
25. Trident is now crap.
26. The jury is still out on Toft, but we’re pretty sure it is crap since it is often mentioned in the same breath as Joe Meek.
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.
28. Anything touched by Joly is better than any mic ever created, including a vintage U47.
29. Anything that starts with a G is a good piece of gear (Great River, Grace, Golden Age, Gefell, Grado) EXCEPT Genelec, of course.
30. There is no gear – NONE – worse than Mackie. Mackie is worse than late 80′s Nady gear. The HR824′s woofers are made of goat dung and the tweeters are made from the severed wings of demon locusts, and to dare use anything with a Mackie pre will summon brutish beasts from Netherworld who will feast on the souls of your family.
31. Bring your lunchbox everywhere, because no commercial studio has anything that competes with the 512c.
32. U87′s are not compatible with anything made by Universal Audio (which is all crap anyway, just unusable)
33. The Shure SM7 is awesome… BUT IT BETTER BE AN A/B/(no letter)." :mrgreen:

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:12 am
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Nice post :D
Quote:
3. The Yamaha NS-10M is the worst speaker in the world. The sound is somewhat like putting tape over the mouths of two macaws and tasing them simultaneously (make sure they aren’t flush against the wall).

Quote:
27. Did I mention that Genelec makes the WORST monitors in the world? Just absolute horse-sh*t.

:roll: I did not know that the Yamaha NS10M were made by Genelec..... :P

.....and did I mention - I'm happy to be an amateur :mrgreen:

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:33 am
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Your friend Malice sounds like a very positive and upbeat kind of person.

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:47 pm
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I take it there was no malice intended .... :?:

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 6:02 pm
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No mention of guitars though? :?

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:03 pm
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Miami Mike wrote:
No mention of guitars though? :?


yep no guitars...we could start our own - malice is someone i don't know but i bet the guy who sent it to me does, he has a nice and well respected studio on top of touring - so he's into the gear aspect...but when talking his TOO many guitars..it becomes nuts...i mean 30+ les pauls, one or more of each great guitar..never buys a bad sounding guitar... never - he has the gift...so he chooses my LP's and 335/345's..and no complaints...the guy is a perfectionist....so i bet he was laughing big-time when he read this he has -300 + stomp boxes..heck i had 4 identical LP's and one day found myself staring at them for an hour to figure out which one to play...nuts (BTW...i remember in the late 70's and early 80's i was modding his pedals...then one day he realized they all needed to go back to original components - tracked down original VOX/thomas inductors for the cry babies..etc

no guitars...

(i worked for a studio owner that was the same way...drove me nuts)

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:12 pm
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Ha I liked #3, my neighbor has a Mcaw I wish I could duct tape its mouth shut and give it a couple o' good jolts. But I guess he puts up with me blasting away on my amp. Its still pretty disturbing watching him walk around with it on his shoulder all proud-like while it drops a load down his back :x ewwwwww!


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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:02 pm
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15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.

Well they could wrap me in a carpet with Fiona and I would not complain........just say'n


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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 3:53 pm
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Coach56 wrote:
15. The TLM 103 is by far the worst microphone made. It makes everything sound like Fiona Apple wrapped in carpet.

Well they could wrap me in a carpet with Fiona and I would not complain........just say'n


:lol:

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Post subject: Re: a fun post from a friend who is a pro touring guitarist
Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 4:03 pm
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Thx for the nap, lol 8)

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