Yesterday about this time, the reality I claimed for 7 years changed and flipped.

For those of you who remember, my mother had been in prison since I was about 7 and I'm now 14, that's about half my life. Well, she got out sometime this week. I found out yesterday.

I think I'ma give her another chance. I haven't decided yet. I don't really know the woman, all I know is she gave birth to me. I haven't seen her yet, and I don't know when I will. It depends on how fast I can heal....

Tessa♥

_________________
"He who hates me hates my Father as well."
John 15:23

Talman Ibanez Inner City-Suizy Q
2002 American-Made Fender Telecaster-Vengence
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe III

A difficult-and-delicate situation to be sure.

Take it in measured thoughtful steps.

Best of luck

Arjay

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"Here's why reliability is job one: A great sounding amp that breaks down goes from being a favorite piece of gear to a useless piece of crap in less time than it takes to read this sentence." -- BRUCE ZINKY

I used to live putin' one foot in front of the other and just rollin' with the punches,
well now I don't know where my foot's gonna land...

I'm so confused at this point I can't hardly remember my name. I was expecting this day to come closer to High School graduation, not Junior High graduation...

I guess it all happens for a reason...

_________________
"He who hates me hates my Father as well."
John 15:23

Talman Ibanez Inner City-Suizy Q
2002 American-Made Fender Telecaster-Vengence
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe III

Try going the forgiveness route it can't hurt, you will be a stronger person for it.
Good luck.

A monumental thing to have to deal with at such a tender age Tessa, I wish you the best possible outcome. Thank you for trusting us enough to share this.

I spoke here to say if you were a young Girl in my country, i would advise you to consider a councillor, Is it a social worker in your country? ie "a professional at dealing with family situations". To help you, support you, and be there with you whilst meeting her for the first few times. That way the meeting can be on your terms with professional help standing right there next to you to help you and guide you, whilst you decide if you are comfortable enough to pursue a relationship with her.

DO NOT be afraid to ask for this help!! That is what these people are trained to do. And you have the right to use these services.

Best of luck...
Marcus.

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Serious stuff often happens like that, unexpected. You did the right thing to reach out and not keep it to yourself. I sincerely hope that you can also talk with friends and or relatives. It should never be a priority to kids of your age to have to deal with such complex situations but as you stated yourself, it all happens for a reason. Don't make choices based on negatives attitudes, it won't help you in the long run. The important thing is that you have to make choices every single day of your life, so you must make choices that will improve your life quality. I wish you the best of luck Tessa.
Claude.

Thanks guys for the support..

I don't think a councilor, will do any good... I know they may help, but I don't think I could get along too well with one... I'll have my dad here every step of the way...


And Claude.. I've decided to give her one more chance, I'm not sure how or when, but it's possible she changed... I have family and friends behind me to help me out, thankfully,

Thanks,

_________________
"He who hates me hates my Father as well."
John 15:23

Talman Ibanez Inner City-Suizy Q
2002 American-Made Fender Telecaster-Vengence
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe III

trwells. We don't know your situation and this is hard to explain. You'll need to understand that prison "Changes" people and makes them tougher and when they get out they are very sensitive to they're surroundings. It's a survivor instinct that they say last 10 years for every calender year the person is locked up.

Be receptive, understanding, and listen. What you Mom just went through is most likely more dramatic than anything you'll ever face and most likely needs your support now more than ever!

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Gary

Tessa--

I'm proud of you that you have been able to find it in your heart to forgive your mother. That is the right thing to do.

Forgiveness means that her sins (toward you) and crimes (against the law) of the past should stay just that--in the past... It does not mean you have to put up with any type of mistreatment or anger toward you, your sister or your dad.

If she starts down the wrong path again, it's not hateful or unkind of you to withdraw from her, lest you be caught up in her problems.

From everything I've read and seen from you, you seem like a caring, strong person. That will serve you well in life. We all wish you the best!

Matt

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Good Vibes To Y'all!



Screamin' Armadillos
Texas Roadhouse Music
Guitar/Slide Guitar/Harp/Vocals

Hi Tessa,

That's a lot to deal with at a young age.......

I don't know anything of your situation but it's clear from your post there has been little or no contact with your mother.

The advice I would offer echoes those that have already posted, that is don't do anything on your own if possible. BUild up your support network and keep them close and, at your age, there is no expectations of you to make any 'first moves' but in the same breath there should be no expectation of you to do anything you are uncomfortable with.



Wise words my friend. Forgiveness is right but it is also difficult and sometimes doesn't happen straight away....no matter how strong your faith is......but that is OK.

You are 14 and allowed to be confused/scared/wary..............you have dealt with a lot at a young age and your 'old head on young shoulders' should be allowed to make way for the young teenager you are at this pont in your life. Your strength and courage are inspiring but just take one step at a time.

As a father with a daughter only a couple of years younger than you, I can't imagine what I would be feeling like if it was my kids having to deal with this...........

Don't rule out counselling either. It can help some people and is worth considering if things get too hard. I would imagine if there was to be some contact, there would be some state liaison officer or equivolent that will probably offer some sort of assistance.

STay strong Tessa and my prayers and thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Evan

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speak slowly I'm a drummer too!!

And I proudly lack a stick or a kazoo up my arse...........

This is all very good advice. Understand that you will have many different feelings about this. Feelings are what they are, they rarely make sense and you can't make yourself feel what you think you "should" feel. Keep you family and trusted friends close and share with them. I have experienced something similar. Armadillo's words are very wise, forgiveness is good for you and your mother, but you have every right to protect yourself.

Professional help is always an option and can be the best way to get through tough times.

FWIW, I've been through something similar.

_________________
'09 Am Deluxe Ash Strat
'09 Mex Standard Strat
'10 Mex Standard Tele
Champ 600
Blues jr.
'65 Deluxe Reverb Reissue

That is a heavy load for someone your age. I think you have made the right decision, all the best to you.

When I was your age, I figured out how badly my father treated my mother, brother, and I before they split, and even after. I sort of have a similar idea of what you're going through, but I have no idea what your mother actually did. All I can do is hope for the best, and even though I was never really religious, I managed to forgive. It takes time, but people also change.

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic

You and your Father may consider using a counselor, or social worker who's specialty is working with unique family issues. To help you and your family, support you all, and be there while meeting your estranged Mother for the first few times. That way the meeting can be on your terms with professional help standing right there with you to help you and guide you, as you decide if you are comfortable enough to pursue a relationship with her.

Forgiveness is a virtue everyone talks about but not everyone is capable of showing.
I believe that you possess this virtue and can show it.
It may not seem this way, but the hardest part for you is over. From now on it is your Mother that must forgive and forget.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. To us, your Brothers and Sisters of the Fender Lounge Forum, you are the best, please don't let anyone tell you that you're not.
love,
SBLS

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

Thanks guys for the advice, I woke up this mornin' with a fresh head and I'm feelin' pretty good about this whole deal, change isn't always bad, it's just confusing at first, I've been blessed with the gift of fast healing, both physical and emotional.

I'll let y'all know the whole story,

When I was about four, my mother committed arson on several fields and a few houses around where we lived, her last stop was our own house. We then moved to Amarillo, (a nearby city) around the age of 5 or 6, she was a cleaning lady and was taking credit cards from her customers and was going shopping with them... She got caught and spent two weeks in the county jail, I guess while she was in there, they got to investigating the fires, they found out it was her, and so she got 18 years of prison/parole, I was seven at the time. at first we would write, then I just stopped replying. I couldn't do it, I went through a year or so where I hated her, this past year I've kinda finally came to peace with the idea of her being in prison and it being a reality, and that's just how it was. Her getting out this week was a complete surprise to me. The way I understood it, she'd be gettin' out around the time I graduated... this is four years early...

so, there's my story... that's the reason as to WHY she's in there in the first place,

_________________
"He who hates me hates my Father as well."
John 15:23

Talman Ibanez Inner City-Suizy Q
2002 American-Made Fender Telecaster-Vengence
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe III