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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:34 pm
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Location: Surf City, USA
You're driving down the road and there's a manager and a keyboard player crossing the street. Which one do you hit first?

The manager. Business before pleasure.


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:11 pm
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Location: ʎɹʇunoɔ ǝsoɹ pןıʍ
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Just think of how awesome a guitar player you could have been by now if you had only spent the last 10 years practicing instead of obsessing over pickups and roasted maple necks.


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 3:55 am
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Location: London, UK
Just wanted to share this with you all, but couldnt think where to do it. It didnt seem to warrant its own post, hence the grand resurrection of this joke thread!

My bass player told me today of his signature model he would design if he could, it would be a warwick he says and the one defining feature would be (and i quote him directly) -

There's a sensor in the pick-up that makes it 10db louder than the nearest loudest thing in the vicinity

- still makes me chuckle.

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`I prefer not to listen to music that I can't rip off or improve on` - Ian Dury


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 4:05 am
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Aspiring Musician
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Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:33 pm
Posts: 484
Location: Australia, VIC
Why do guitarist's put drum sticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped space

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 5:01 am
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Location: 16 Miles North Of The Red River
What do you call 1000 hair metal bands at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start...

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Screamin' Armadillos
Texas Roadhouse Music
Guitar/Slide Guitar/Harp/Vocals


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 8:49 am
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The guitarist hears screaming and yelling, runs into the rehearsal room and finds the bass player and the drummer fighting. He calms them down enough to find out what's going on and the bass player says "He turned one of my tuning machines and made the bass out of tune!!"

The guitarist asks "Well, why don't you just retune it?"

The bassist replies "He won't tell me which one!!!!"


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 11:08 am
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Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 2:27 pm
Posts: 1242
Location: Grass Valley, CA
Man walks into a butcher shop, sign says -

Doctor Brains - $5/lb
Scientist Brains - $7/lb
Engineer Brains - $4/lb
Guitarist Brains - $100/lb

Man - "Why so much for the Guitarist Brains?"

Butcher - "Do you realize how many guitarists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"

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“All music is folk music, I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.” Louis Armstrong


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:11 am
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Posts: 25350
Location: Witness Protection Program
A guy walks into a shop...

You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies
and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?

You're a drummer, aren't you?

Yeah. How'd you know?

This is a travel agency.

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Being able to play and enjoy music is a gift that's often taken for granted.

Don't leave home without it!


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 10:20 am
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Q. Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?

A. Neither did I.

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In my opinion Leo Fender had essentially perfected the guitar amplifier by 1964.


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 11:36 am
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Location: Powell River BC Canada
Banjo player and a clarinet player get a New Years gig. You wouldn't have guessed it but the pair knew all the right songs and played em exactly at the right time. At the end of the gig the owner of the resort approaches the pair and asks them... "Would you two play again next year? I'll pay you double. To which they replied in unison....


Sure! Can we leave our gear here until then?

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[i][size=85]2013 American Standard Precision bass
1959 Jazzmaster
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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:51 pm
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Location: Powell River BC Canada
How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?



None.....The keyboard player does it with his left hand. :shock:

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[i][size=85]2013 American Standard Precision bass
1959 Jazzmaster
Hartke KB12
Old tube amps


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 5:59 am
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How does a Hammond organist know his girlfriend hates his playing? The leslie agrees with his girl! :P

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My Gretsch is cool
Try these guitars out man!


Nathan from Oz


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:59 pm
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Location: Space Station #5
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?

You can feel it coming, but there is nothing you can do to stop it.

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"Today Atlantis, tomorrow the world!"


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 1:32 pm
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Psy....Ylvis, either one is a joke!

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 2:29 pm
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Location: Surf City, USA
Q: How do you cheer up a singer at work?
A: Say, "Yes, I will take cheese with that"


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