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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:52 pm
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Rock Star
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Location: Tennessee
A man driving down the road sees a sign,"Talking Dog for Sale".
He can't resist stopping and knocks on the door,a man opens it and says,"yeah he's out back,go see for yourself"
...the guy goes around back and sees the dog and says,"well,what do you have to say?"
The dog starts talking,"I play guitar too,I've been in bands for years,touring all around the world,playing to sold out shows,made millions of dollars,been elected to the hall of fame,and now I'm retired."
The man is totally amazed and runs back and knocks on the door,when the owner comes back out he tells him,"That's the most incredible thing I've ever seen,why are you selling him,you should be a millionaire with a dog that talks!"
The owner said,"Because he's a liar,he didn't do all that stuff....he's a drummer!"


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:46 am
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Professional Musician
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A young woman isn't feeling well, so she goes to her doctor. The doctor performs a series of tests, then calls her in for a consultation. I'm sorry to tell you this, the doctor says, but you have a very rare disease and there is no cure - you have just six months to live.

Oh, my God, doctor, says the young woman, what am I supposed to do?

Well, if I were you, the doctor responded, I would leave this office, find yourself a jazz guitar player and marry him as quickly as you can.

But, doctor, what will that do for me?

Well, it won't help your illness, but being married to a jazz guitarist will make those last six months seem like an eternity.

:lol:

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:33 am
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Aspiring Musician
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Hey! Said one girl to the other, "I thought you said your brother was in jail for armed robbery."

I'm sorry I lied to you." said the other girl. "But I didn't want to tell you my brother is a bass player in a rock band until I knew you better." :twisted:


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:19 pm
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Aspiring Musician
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"How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
One to actually do it and three to stand around saying "Pfff I can do that!"

"What do you call a drummerless band?"
A band one arm short of a Def Leppard cover band

"How do you know a band's never going to make it?"
When they take audience requests

"What do you call a college kid with an acoustic and an off key voice and mumbled lyrics?"
An indie rock god

"What do you say to a Jewish hipster who can't sing?"
Hey look its Bob Dylan!

"What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?"
His teeth

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:56 am
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Location: NL Canada
Last year our drummer got a puzzle for one of his Christmas presents.He was so proud that he had put the whole thing together in just 5 days when the box said 3 to 6 years.

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:46 am
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Hobbyist
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Location: Falcon, Colorado
CRGuitarMan wrote:
If you drop a watermelon and a guitar player off the top of a 10-story building, which hits the ground first?

Who cares?

----------

Did you hear the one about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?

It took him two hours to get his drummer out!


Now that is a pretty cruel joke about watermelons.

BTW, is the CR in your name Cedar Rapids? Curious - it's my hometown.

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:06 am
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Q: What are the words generally spoken to a guitar player in a three-piece suit?

A: Will the defendant please rise.

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Dennis in CR
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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 12:09 pm
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Aspiring Musician
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Location: Greece
hahahahaha those are some really good ones!

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:37 pm
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Location: Birmingham UK
Yoko Ono was due to be appearing on this year's jungle based TV endurance show "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!"

At the last minute they decided not to let her compete, as she's been living off a dead beatle for the last 30 years..

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:31 am
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Location: San Diego, California
A little boy starts bass lessons. When he comes home from his first lesson, his dad asks him what he learned. The little boy said, “Today I learned to play a C.” The next week when the father asked the boy what he learned, and the little boy said, “Today I learned to play an E.” The third week when asked what he learned, the little boy said, “I didn’t learn anything today. We played a gig!”

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:09 am
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One of my favourites is the one with the foul-mouthed pianist - "Know it? I f^$%ing wrote it!"

I can't post it here though :lol:


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 10:36 am
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What does the average guitar player use for birth control?

His personality.

----------

What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?

His amp.

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Why don't bass players like to play Hide & Seek?

Because no one will look for them.

----------

What's the difference between your average drummer and the average prostitute?

The prostitute has a better sense of rhythm! :oops:

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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:38 pm
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CRGuitarMan wrote:
...

What's the difference between your average drummer and the average prostitute?

The prostitute has a better sense of rhythm! :oops:

LOL! That could certainly be said for the Classic Rock act I saw last night. Lots of hot little porno queens dancing with great meter to a drummer who kept lagging behind the beat.

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Just think of how awesome a guitar player you could have been by now if you had only spent the last 10 years practicing instead of obsessing over pickups and roasted maple necks.


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:20 am
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Location: ʎɹʇunoɔ ǝsoɹ pןıʍ
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Just think of how awesome a guitar player you could have been by now if you had only spent the last 10 years practicing instead of obsessing over pickups and roasted maple necks.


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Post subject: Re: Musician Jokes .... feel free to add some.
Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:29 pm
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Q: What has nine arms and sucks?

A: Def Leppard


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