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Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
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Author:  Screamin' Armadillo [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

All of us like to laugh...so what's your favorite "Walks Into a Bar" Joke?

Some of my favorites:

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "Hey everybody, long neck's on me!"

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

Celine Dion walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

A Jewish Rabbi, a Catholic priest and a Baptist preacher walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "Oh Lord, this looks like the beginning of a joke."

A drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and says, "Hey bartender, gimme a drink!"
The bartender says, "I can't serve you, man...go home and sleep it off."
The drunk says, "Okay..." and leaves.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles into the side door of the same bar and says, "Hey bartender, gimme a drink!"
The bartender says, "I already told you I can't serve you, man...now go home and sleep it off."
The drunk says, "Okay..." and leaves again.
A few minutes after that, the same drunk stumbles into the back door of the bar and says, "Hey bartender, gimme a drink!"
The bartender says, "I've already told you twice, I'm not going to serve you, man...now go home and sleep it off or I'll call the cops."
The drunk says, "All right, but tell me this...how many bars do you work at around here?"

Another giraffe walks into a bar and says, "Hey everybody, high balls on me!"
(Think about it...think about it...yeah, you got it).

Three guys walk into a bar. You would have thought the second two would have ducked.

...and a bar joke for the thinking man:
Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, drinking all day.
The bartender says, "You might take a break, don't you think you're drunk?"
Descartes says, "I think not!" then he disappeared.

Author:  ripitup555 [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 1:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Drunk walks into a bar say's Barman a drink for everyone, have one yourself and give me the bill
barman duly obliges and hands the drunk the bill
I don't have any money say's the drunk so the barman gives him a few slaps and throws him out
Next day drunk turns up, a drink for everyone in the bar have one yourself and give me the bill
barman looks at him and thinks surely he's not that stupid and duly obliges then hands him the bill
I don't have any money says the drunk
the barman beats the living daylights out of him and throws him out
Next day same again, a drink for everyone in the bar and give me the bill
the barman say's what no drink for me
No said the drunk you get violent when you drink "hic"

Author:  phreddybee [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 1:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

a guy sits down at the bar. suddenly he hears:

"you look sharp today"
"nice tie"
"your aftershave is great"

the man looks around, and no one is near him

puzzled, he explains to the bartender what he thought he heard

the bartender replied- "those are the peanuts - they're complimentary"

Author:  ripitup555 [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A blind man walks into a bar and start swinging his guide dog about
the barman say's, hey what are you doing
blind man say's, nothing just having a look around

Man walk into a bar with a set of jump leads around his neck
the barman say's ok you can come in but don't start anything

Man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs
Barman say's you know you have a steering wheel between your legs
Man say's yeah it's driving me nut's

Author:  Voodoo Blues [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A blind man walks into a bar.

ba-da-bum

Author:  martynrss2 [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A man walks into a bar. "Ouch"

Author:  TimDrakeMusic [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, you know there's a steering wheel in your pants!?" The pirate says..."Arrrgh...It's drivin' me nuts!" :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  VladSoilerOfCarpets [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 3:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Two dyslexic guys walk into a bra.

Author:  super kud [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 3:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

my mom and dads wedding joke.a moose walks into a bar,bartender says"why the long face"??? :lol:

Author:  tdanb2003 [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Guy walks into a bar with a grocery bag and orders a drink..."bartender says what you got there?"
Guy pulls out a doll sized man and a miniature piano who promptly begins playing a beautiful melody. "thats different" says the bartender , "where did you find him?"
"Actually found a genie in a lamp he gave me 3 wishes but he's kinda deaf" says the guy, " I wasn't asking for a 12 inch pianist." :oops:

Author:  strato [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Man walks into a bar and orders three pints, takes them to a corner table, and proceeds to take a drink from each glass, one at a time, until all were finished.

Next week, same time, same man walks into the bar with the same order and goes through the same ritual.

Third week, same thing, so the bartender says, "If you want to order those one at a time, I'll be happy to bring them to you." "Oh, no," says the man, "It's just that when my two brothers and I left home we promised that wherever we were, every week on this day, at this time, we would stop by our local bar and drink a toast to each other." "Well that's a fine way to honor your brothers" said the bartender pouring him the three pints.

This continued until one day the man only ordered two pints. This worried the bartender who thought to himself, "Something must have happened to one of his brothers." He went up to the man and said, "I am so sorry." "About what?" said the man. "About the loss of one of your brothers." said the bartender. "Oh, my brothers are fine." said the man. "I've just stopped drinking!"

Author:  guitslinger [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 10:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Was my buddy Bubba in here last night?" The bartender answers "He certainly was." To which the guy asks "Was I with him?"

Author:  Miami Mike [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Guy walks into a bar and tells bartender he's doing something different for
vacation this year. He says "the last few years, I took your advice...

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene
got pregnant!

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got
pregnant again!!

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant
again!!!"

So the bartender asks what he's gonna do different this year...


snare drum roll....



rim shot...



The guy says "this year I'm takin' Earlene with me." :D

Author:  chris-nc [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender can't help but notice that the man consists only of a head, no torso, arms or legs. He pours him a drink and watches as the man takes a sip. Suddenly *poof* the man has a torso! Getting a little excited, the man takes another drink. *poof* the man suddenly has arms! Wow! Getting more excited, the man takes another drink. *poof* the man suddenly has legs. Hardly able to control himself, the man quickly takes another drink. *poof* the man disappears!

The moral of the story: Quit while you're a head!

Author:  53magnatone [ Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke

Just the end of the night....

" Hotel Motel....You don't have to go home...!!
But you can't stay here....!!
The Bar Is Closed....!!!! "

A nightly ritual from our favorite bartender @ " The Yellow Kittens " Annie Hall. :wink:

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