It is currently Mon Mar 16, 2020 9:45 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 100 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Author Message
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:50 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 5:39 pm
Posts: 3399
Location: teh webz?
A baby seal walks into a club.

_________________
Favorite bands:

Melvins
The Jesus Lizard
Cows
Big Business
R***man
Minutemen
Flight
Minor Threat
Big Black
Shellac
Karp
Scratch Acid
Wipers
Pixies


Top
Profile
Fender Play Winter Sale 2020
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:52 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
My dad walks into a bar. It's noon on a Tuesday and he's just waking up.

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:53 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
Charlie Sheen walks into a coke factory...

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:54 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar.

He sits down and orders wine for communion.

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:56 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
A Zimbabwean, a Cambodian, and an Englishman walk into a bar.

What great cultural diversity.

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:59 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
A horse walks into a bar. The horse becomes disoriented due to the unfamiliar location. The bartender calls animal control before the horse or any patrons get hurt.

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:05 am
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
A man walks into a bar

>it's the police mam your son was killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:57 am
Offline
Professional Musician
Professional Musician

Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:18 am
Posts: 1530
Location: The Frozen Tundra of MN
A man walks into a bar with a duck under his arm. The bartender says, "We don't serve pigs in here." Man says, "It's not a pig, it's a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:13 am
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:50 pm
Posts: 7998
Location: ʎɹʇunoɔ ǝsoɹ pןıʍ
Jim, I don't get any of your jokes. Are they supposed to be jokes?

_________________
Image
Just think of how awesome a guitar player you could have been by now if you had only spent the last 10 years practicing instead of obsessing over pickups and roasted maple necks.


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:43 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
Most of them are anti jokes.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
.
.
.
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:48 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
A dyslexic man walks into a bra

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:41 pm
Offline
Roadie
Roadie

Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 10:16 pm
Posts: 209
Buxom wrote:
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Now that was funny. Tortured, but funny.

_________________
Most profound blues lyric, from Robert Johnson's Hell Hound On My Trail:

"If today was Christmas Eve, if today was Christmas Eve,
Tomorrow would be Christmas Day..."


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:00 pm
Offline
Aspiring Musician
Aspiring Musician
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:23 pm
Posts: 666
Location: Nashville TN
Most of the ones that came to mind were taken, so I'll tell you my really bad bank joke that I came up with myself. oh, it's bad. but it'll fit here in this thread.

I once saw Johnny Paycheck walk into a bank..... ten minutes later Johnny Cash walked out.


:roll: :lol:

_________________
~Dan


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:05 pm
Offline
Rock Star
Rock Star
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 5057
Location: The Capital Wasteland
So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punchline

_________________
1984 Squier Contemporary Stratocaster
1986 Peavey Envoy 110
1967 Kingston Acoustic


Top
Profile
Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:10 pm
Offline
Aspiring Musician
Aspiring Musician
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:23 pm
Posts: 666
Location: Nashville TN
Bravo, James. lol

_________________
~Dan


Top
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 100 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

All times are UTC - 7 hours

Fender Play Winter Sale 2020

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to: