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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:13 pm
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A guy is sitting at a table in a bar and notices a beautiful woman sitting at the next table. She smiles politely, but is obviously not interested in him.

A few minutes later, she sneezes and her glass eye pops out across the room. He reaches out and catches it before it hits the floor. When he hands it back to her, she says, "Thank you so much! Please, sit down with me and have a drink."

They end up hitting it off--they talk for a couple of hours, go out dancing and end up eating a late night snack at an all-night diner. She snuggles up close to him and whispers seductively, "I would love for you to take me home..."

One their way to his apartment, he asks, "Do you always connect so quickly with men like this?"

"No, just the guys who catch my eye..."

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:49 pm
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I dare say that the next time she went to that bar she kept an eye out for him.

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:07 am
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Two strings walk up to a bar.
The first string walks in and orders. The bartender tells him, "I don't serve strings in this bar. Get out!"
So the other string roughs himself up on the street and curls up. Then he goes in and orders.
The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
The string says, "Yeah. So?"
The bartender says, "Well, aren't you a string too?"
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

======

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender how much he owes, and the bartender says, "For you, no charge."

8)

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 4:03 pm
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A skeleton walks into a bar and says, give me a beer......and a mop! :wink:

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 11:25 am
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A baby seal walks into a club. :shock:

8)

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:14 pm
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An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish guy walk into a bar. They’re having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

The Irishman observes, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and then MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!” All three agree that sounds like a nice place indeed.

Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn there’s this place called Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink and then Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink!” Everyone agrees that sounds like an even better bar.

Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshawski’s they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in the back room and get you laid!”

“Wow!” exclaimed the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” replied the Polack, “but it happened to my sister!”

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:21 pm
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and 2
an old Italian gentleman and an old Greek gentleman walk into a pub and are sitting playfully boasting about their respective nationalities,
the old Greek gentleman said "well, we have the Parthenon you know".
The old Italian gentleman replied "yes, and we have the Colosseum".
The old Greek gentleman strokes his chin in thought and says " well, we started the Olympics".
The old Italian gentleman replied "yes, and we have always been better at the Olympics".
The old Greek gentleman his brow furrowed in thought then smiles and says proudly "well, we Greeks invented sex".
The old Italian gentleman replied "yes, and we Italians introduced it to women"

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:50 pm
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The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting,
"Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."


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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:08 pm
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This is the only bar joke I got, and I'm REALLY sorry if I offend anyone but here's the joke: An Irish guy walks out of a bar...

...just know I have nothing against Irish people... :oops:

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:20 pm
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C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.


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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:56 pm
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SmokeythaBear wrote:
This is the only bar joke I got, and I'm REALLY sorry if I offend anyone but here's the joke: An Irish guy walks out of a bar...


Take it back!! :evil:

He was carried out!!! :lol:

I'm half Irish and half Scottish. That means I want to drink, but I don't want to pay for it. :D


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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 10:29 pm
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 5:21 am
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SmokeythaBear wrote:
This is the only bar joke I got, and I'm REALLY sorry if I offend anyone but here's the joke: An Irish guy walks out of a bar...

...just know I have nothing against Irish people... :oops:


I am totally offended.

This was a disrespectful, arrogant, anti-ethnic joke that...

Oh, wait, did you say Irish?
Never mind... :lol:

(just kidding--my maternal grandfather was supposedly of Irish descent; who knows?)

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:07 pm
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russianracehorse wrote:
A baby seal walks into a club. :shock:

8)


Reminds me of... a seal shuffles into a bar, and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

"Anything but a Canadian club soda..."

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Post subject: Re: Your Favorite "Walks Into A Bar" Joke
Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:08 pm
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Floyd_The_Barber wrote:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra


Did this first page. Keep up. :P

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