danny,

its not my business but i can only tell you from my own experience.
i use to be just like you mentioned when i gave it up. the guilt, shame, and stupidity
of it all kept me from talking to others about it. as time went on that changed. i became proud of myself for putting distance between me and all the booze and drugs bro.
when you get the opportunity to tell your tale, do so. eventually you will take pride in it probably the same way i did. besides, in telling, you might just help somebody. all it takes is 1 person experience to be changed by your story and the ball will roll from there.
the doctors saved you, i was saved by the grace of God. i honestly didnt miss it from day one of my journey either.