ON THE PHONE TO LADY GAGA (for Ceri & tbazzone)

a telephone rings..

MOTHER:
“Hello? Sweetie? It’s your Mother.”

LADY G:
"The Lady GaGa does greet her maternal one, and graciously acknowledges her small part in creating the magnificent artiste that is named appropriately.."

MOTHER:
(resigned) ”Oh dear, you’re not taking your tablets again are you? And no darling, M&Ms are not anti-psychotics, not even the blue ones. Anyway, the reason I called is, well, it’s a bit delicate. Listen sweetie, what did you do with our downstairs toilet?”

LADY G:
"It must be acknowledged that the Lady Gaga did indeed acquire the maternal lavatory pedestal. It is to be the crowning centre piece, the throne, of her new and most magnificent stage set."

“Oh. (taken aback) I see. Of course, silly me. But you could have turned the water off first. And your Father’s garden shed?”

"Lady GaGa would remind her nearest female DNA donor that every throne needs a base from which it’s porcelain apex may be presented."

(exasperated) “Well that’s all very well sweetie, but couldn’t you have at least left the tools? Your Dad wants to do the lawns.”

"Lady GaGa did need what most ordinary persons might consider to be garden tools. The GaGa has decided not to use sentient life forms in her travelling band of mystical, musical performers. What you have previously identified as tools are actually her new troupe – her most marvellous band. Rake is on bass, Roller is on guitar and Mower is on..

(sarcastic) “Drums I suppose?”

Keyboards. Don’t be silly, GaGa’s most revered womb cupboard. Qualcasts don’t do drums. Percussion duties will be performed exquisitely by a most wonderful series of golden tapestries hand stitched by the Lady Barking Tracey Lemon, using the finest Chinese threads – first marinaded (by moonlight) in the bodily fluids of 1st Lord Lunatic Damon Hurst."

(surprised) “WHAT?”

"And now the Lady GaGa will say farewell to her most honoured Guardian of this intrepid fallopian tube voyager. The GaGa’s tour begins (and ends) on Thursday. The most respected modern art dealer, Duke Mad as a Fish Charley Satchi, has purchased all of the tickets for all venues. Every stage is to be left empty and televised to premium rate pay per view customers, while Lady GaGa is to be humanely poisoned and preserved in aspic and displayed, in stage situ, forever more at his warehouse store development somewhere in Islington. The Lady GaGa’s art will then be eternal and no human eyes will ever stare more upon the divine flesh. Well, unless it burns down again, in which case the London Fire Brigade will probably cop an eyefull.."

(very concerned) “Listen darling. Bit worried now. Is there anybody there with you? Don’t do anything, I’ll be right over..”

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Fender Highway & Classic 60s Strats, Fender Toronado, Telecaster, Gretsch Projet, Charvel 3, PRS SE Soapbar II & Custom 24, Burns Batwing and many others!

Dude you gotta write a book.

I would buy that book.

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Rated "M" for meaty.

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Being able to play and enjoy music is a gift that's often taken for granted.

Don't leave home without it!

'Evening, Adey: I've just been sitting here with my wife (who knows a thing or two about penmanship), and after we got through laughing we've been wondering whether this qualifies as prose poetry?

Superb - delectable - devastatingly accurate - and very funny!

The only scary bit is how much attention you must have paid to Ms Gaga to perfect her intonation. About twelve seconds of a Jonathan Ross interview was all I could stand - before going and throwing up something she'd probably have worn as a hat.

Until a national newspaper or Radio4 snaps you up I'm wondering if we should construct you a website for your typing fingers to roam across at will? Whadayasay?

Anyhow. Thank you! That finished my week in the style I like best - with my ribs hurting!

Cheers man - C

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My pleasure

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Fender Highway & Classic 60s Strats, Fender Toronado, Telecaster, Gretsch Projet, Charvel 3, PRS SE Soapbar II & Custom 24, Burns Batwing and many others!

Ceri wrote: "'Evening, Adey: I've just been sitting here with my wife (who knows a thing or two about penmanship), and after we got through laughing we've been wondering whether this qualifies as prose poetry?

Superb - delectable - devastatingly accurate - and very funny!
Ceri, it sure does qualify
Adey, classic Bro!
Post it on the "Your Poetry" thread?

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

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Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancin'

Adey, that was the first Lady Gaga "interview" I was able to read all the way through!

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Website: http://www.rebeccalaird.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rebeccalairdmusic
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In all of my years of being on a forum, nothing has ever scared me. That was just straight up psychotic. Silence of the Lambs psychotic.

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HaleAmano- House Of Sharks (Now On iTunes)
http://www.reverbnation.com/haleamano
http://www.haleamano.com

alot of people out there are jealous of lady GAGA bro.
i mean seriously, what is she doing wrong?
if you folks were in her shoes, what would you do differently?

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63supro
"The good thing is in a club situation, most of the patrons are trashed and really can't tell the difference."

I just don,t like the way over the top anything go,s thing. If you have talent you don,t need the freak show.

the freak show sells bro.

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63supro
"The good thing is in a club situation, most of the patrons are trashed and really can't tell the difference."

I would take those shoes off before I twisted my ankle, that's what I would do....

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Good Vibes To Y'all!



Screamin' Armadillos
Texas Roadhouse Music
Guitar/Slide Guitar/Harp/Vocals

But seriously, she's got something, because most of her songs don't send me diving for the OFF button on the radio; I'm not a huge pop fan or listener, but to keep fresh on new music and to placate Lady Armadillo, the Armadillo Child and Armadillo Child's minions, I'll flip it over to the pop station for a bit. I actually kinda like some of Gaga and Katy Perry's songs. I like to watch Katy Perry. (did I say that out loud?)...

I think the fact that both of them write their own stuff helps me respect them more.

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Good Vibes To Y'all!



Screamin' Armadillos
Texas Roadhouse Music
Guitar/Slide Guitar/Harp/Vocals