band issues

ralfcaetano · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 10:40 am

this may seem a bit like a weird place to put this but i need to get this off my chest... my band and i just haven't been connecting lately... i've been feeling left out and a bit as if my ideas aren't important to them... this all started when my drummer and my bass player (best friend) started dating (me and my drummer were looking for a bass player after our old one split and they started to get closer and closer to each other)... my bass player will take one of my ideas and do the oposite just to be right and since my drummer likes him she'll agree... what hurts the most is that i started the band and i hate to see wat it has become...

what should i do?

Screamin' Armadillo · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 10:48 am

Be polite, forthright and express your feelings to them. If they don't realize what they're doing, it's not right to expect them to change.

If they take your feelings into consideration, then you've saved your band (and perhaps your friendship). To remain silent will only create more frustration and resentment.
If they don't take your feelings into consideration, then you have to decide whether to quit the band or continue being sidelined in your own group.

Either way, if the bassist has been a good friend for this long of a time, try to continue that friendship if at all possible...girls and bands may come and go, but a good friendship should be fostered and treasured.

ralfcaetano · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 10:57 am

he has been my friend for about 5 years now but what frustrates me the most is that he always gets an idea using the oposite of my idea... i'm beginning to feel as if he's doing that to take me off the job of being the bands "manager" or if he's jealous of something... it's almost as if he has issues with me

guitslinger · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:56 am

Sit down and have a frank,honest heart to heart with him,unless he's clairvoyant I doubt he knows that you're miffed.If he does know that they're getting your nose out of joint then they're/he's not as good friends as you took them for granted to be and you'd probably be best off parting ways.Playing together is about harmony both musically and personality wise,if you're not in harmony you either get in key or pack it in.

gar1013 · **Joined:** Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:33 pm **Posts:** 199

If all this person is doing is saying "Yes" when you say "No", you could always just use the reverse psychology trick.

Of course, a better solution is to talk directly with the person and try to work it out. If that doesn't work, let your feet do the talking in the most civilized and friendly manner possible.

martynrss2 · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 12:46 pm

I have a friend that I was in a band with who was exactly the same as the person you're describing. I didn't say anything and eventually him and the other guitarist decided it was best if they went on without me. I had been thinking of leaving for a while so I wasn't too bummed out, but it still stung that they asked me to leave instead of me deciding.

I'm still keep in touch with both of them, but I don't see them as much as I used to. I reckon if I had left of my own accord I would be better friends with them now. You should definitely bring up any concerns you have, better to try and resolve it before it gets ugly, they may not realise how you feel about the situation

Just my opinion for what its worth.

ralfcaetano · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:30 pm

thanks guys i kinda needed this it's kinda hard for me to let it go cause it's everything i've ever faught for and now i see it turning into something it never was and it hurts

TimDrakeMusic · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:50 pm

I try to tell people to mindful in those situations, that even if you started the band, you are still only one part of the band. Bands are like relationships, you have to compromise sometimes. If you feel like they are really ignoring your ideas, then yeah, talk to them about it and see if you guys can come to an agreement. If not, it might just be time to move on.

Miami Mike · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:51 pm

ralfcaetano wrote:

this may seem a bit like a weird place to put this but i need to get this off my chest... my band and i just haven't been connecting lately... i've been feeling left out and a bit as if my ideas aren't important to them... this all started when my drummer and my bass player (best friend) started dating (me and my drummer were looking for a bass player after our old one split and they started to get closer and closer to each other)... my bass player will take one of my ideas and do the oposite just to be right and since my drummer likes him she'll agree... what hurts the most is that i started the band and i hate to see wat it has become...

what should i do?

1 - print out this post
2 - call a band meeting
3 - let them read this
4 - have a backup plan (short & long term goals to suggest)?

Good luck!

TimDrakeMusic · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:58 pm

Miami Mike wrote:

ralfcaetano wrote:

this may seem a bit like a weird place to put this but i need to get this off my chest... my band and i just haven't been connecting lately... i've been feeling left out and a bit as if my ideas aren't important to them... this all started when my drummer and my bass player (best friend) started dating (me and my drummer were looking for a bass player after our old one split and they started to get closer and closer to each other)... my bass player will take one of my ideas and do the oposite just to be right and since my drummer likes him she'll agree... what hurts the most is that i started the band and i hate to see wat it has become...

what should i do?

1 - print out this post
2 - call a band meeting
3 - let them read this
4 - have a backup plan (short & long term goals to suggest)?

Good luck!

Perfectly sensible suggestion there. You will either be able to work something out. Or continue beating a dead horse. A lot of times musicians may think they have the same views on what they want to do, only to find out that their ideas were really completely different.

radio_friendly_unit_shifter · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:00 pm

i feel as if i'm doing the same to the drummer i occasionly jam with...he wants to be in a soundgarden-ish band, with complicated beats, an i wanna be in a very simple band. creative differences.

be honest with them, if its bothering you then you should speak up. see what they say to that

nikininja · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:16 pm

Ditch em. No relationships in bands. It's a recipe for disaster. This situation won't end until their relationship does. Then the band is over anyway.

stroker vance · **Joined:** Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:01 am **Posts:** 2842

There's a thing I call the "Love Bubble". When a guy and girl get together sometimes they kind of get enfatuated with eachother and they get on this certain wavelength . When this happens they are encased in the" Love Bubble" and they are very special. They are the coolest thing on Earth and everything and everyone else is just total and complete crap. They are the only ones unified in this encompasing enfatuation and they are the only ones who have ever experianced it. Everything and everyone one else doesn't have a clue and are totally stupid and are crap.
Maybe you have a case of this going on or a case that is just starting- AND guess what? You may be crap.
I'm probubly wrong I hope. It's not a pretty thing to go thru. You can lose your buddy and your band etc. Sorry if I bummed you out.---- Oh yeh- if that does happen( the Love Bubble) it may be a comfort to know they probubly won't stay together.

ralfcaetano · **Posted:** Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:51 pm

Quote:

There's a thing I call the "Love Bubble". When a guy and girl get together sometimes they kind of get enfatuated with eachother and they get on this certain wavelength . When this happens they are encased in the" Love Bubble" and they are very special. They are the coolest thing on Earth and everything and everyone else is just total and complete crap. They are the only ones unified in this encompasing enfatuation and they are the only ones who have ever experianced it. Everything and everyone one else doesn't have a clue and are totally stupid and are crap.
Maybe you have a case of this going on or a case that is just starting- AND guess what? You may be crap.
I'm probubly wrong I hope. It's not a pretty thing to go thru. You can lose your buddy and your band etc. Sorry if I bummed you out.---- Oh yeh- if that does happen( the Love Bubble) it may be a comfort to know they probubly won't stay together.
There's a thing I call the "Love Bubble". When a guy and girl get together sometimes they kind of get enfatuated with eachother and they get on this certain wavelength . When this happens they are encased in the" Love Bubble" and they are very special. They are the coolest thing on Earth and everything and everyone else is just total and complete crap. They are the only ones unified in this encompasing enfatuation and they are the only ones who have ever experianced it. Everything and everyone one else doesn't have a clue and are totally stupid and are crap.
Maybe you have a case of this going on or a case that is just starting- AND guess what? You may be crap.
I'm probubly wrong I hope. It's not a pretty thing to go thru. You can lose your buddy and your band etc. Sorry if I bummed you out.---- Oh yeh- if that does happen( the Love Bubble) it may be a comfort to know they probubly won't stay together.

lool thats a funny way to call me crap... but their relationship is complicated i don't think they're dating anymore but my drummer is desperate so i think she agrees with everything he says...

way cool jr · **Joined:** Tue May 18, 2010 7:34 pm **Posts:** 6911

ralfcaetano wrote:

their relationship is complicated i don't think they're dating anymore but my drummer is desperate so i think she agrees with everything he says...

interesting. why is the drummer desperate? in what way?

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