I am a new father of a 4 month old boy. I love my boy to death, but I now have no time to play guitar. I know I need to make a sacrifice now, but when does the time come to be able to play again. I want to join a band but I feel guilty leaving my wife at home to deal by herself, especially after being at work all week.
How do all you parents work your music life into the equation? I don't want to go out on the road, but I'd like to get in a band with some local gigs every now and then, and practice at least once a week.

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25 years is toooo long! I can deal with a year or two (maybe). All I get is 10 min of noodling every few days. I want to record some songs I haven't finished yet, but there seems to be no time.

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here's my deal. i played in bands fromm 66 to 78 (the years, not my age you numbskulls). i then decided to take a little time off. next thing i knew, i'm married with children.

the kids came first. i decided not to get back into playing out, but i always had my ovation acoustic around to keep up my chops.

the kids are grown, i'm back to playing more, and i'm still having fun.

the most important thing is simple: don't stop playing. either get an acoustic, or a device that lets you play thru headphones. you can practice and not wake the kids up .

i have a friend who was one of the best trumpet players around- played with symphonies, jazz bands et. i saw him last week at a funeral, and found out he got married 16 years ago. i asked if he was still playing, and he said he hasn't played at all in 15 years- the horn hasn't even been out of the case. he just has no desire- all that talent gone to waste.

don't let that happen to you.... you can find time for kids and music...maybe they will want to play someday

This is what I'm hoping for. It won't happen for years, but I hope to jam with him someday, even if I'm just plunking away on bass to back him up! If he does play guitar, he will be getting my 1995 Am Standard Tele (my first real guitar) when he is old enough.

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Your schedule is really messed up right now... just let it all get into a matter of routine, then you will be back to playing!

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Hey, Boy Blue is back!

When I met my wife in 1980, I was on the road playing at a supper club in South Sioux City Ia. She was tall, bonde, and wearing a tight sweater-I couldn't resist.
Point is, when we got married, she knew what I did. A few years later when we had our first child, I still played out on the weekends locally. She worked during the day, and so did I. That extra playing money sure came in handy when she took her maturnity leave or couldn't work. A year later or so we had another child. Same story. And then another child (the last one). She worked when she was able to trust a sitter, I played out on the weekends and made that much needed xtra money, I watched the kids when she rested, we got a sitter when she wanted to go out with me to the gig, and life went on. Now the kids are 21, 19 and 15. I still play locally on the weekends, work during the day with a full time job, and the wife is not working anymore due to a medical issue. Had I quit playing when we first started having kids, I wouldn't be able to depend on that extyra giggin money now. If you want to play out, and you have a wife that supports you, go for it.

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Life is like a sh*t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less sh*t you have to eat.

That money would sure come in handy and I know my wife wants me to play, but I feel guilty leaving her with ALL the responsibility on those days. I feel that she needs time to what she would like too!

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Easy quiet way to play is to play unplugged. I play my electric all the time without my amp just because it is quiet. you might even be able to play some with your son sleeping in the same room. It would be good for him to be able to sleep with noises in his enviroment and you get some practice time and you can give you wife some time off and skip the guilt for practicing.

You'll find the balance soon. Definitely give her some time to do things she likes too. If you talk to her and schedule some me time for the both of you, you will be better off as a couple and and as parents. Make sure schedule sometime for you to be together as just a couple too, reminder her that you still see her as your wife not just a mommy (it is easy to neglict that and not realize it). The more you both do to make each other happy, the more you family will benefit from it.

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the vacuum store is a lot like the guitar store. but they do not attract the same clientele as the guitar store, cause if they did, the vacuum store would be loaded with a bunch of broke guys who just wanted to run the new vacuums.

+100

I'm not even remotely a parent, but I still have something to say as far as this goes. My Dad joined a band playing bass at church when I was about eight years old. My parents have always been really good about including me in what they do, so I ended up hanging around with the musicians a lot. Seeing my Dad play got me even more interested in music, and particularly interested in guitar. He had a Fender Jazz so naturally I gravitated towards a Stratocaster. And once I decided to pick up guitar I had some older musicians to help guide me from the start. While I don't think you should force your son into anything, I think that growing up around your parents band can have a really positive impact on kids. At least, that was the case for me.

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Website: http://www.rebeccalaird.com
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The way it worked for me is to compromise. My wife knew she was getting a musician in the deal after all. We play on average once a month with the rock band and also I play once a month in our church band. Every Monday is practice night for the rock band and this schedule just works well for us, I'm sure it's not for everyone.

The once a month thing works too because our singer has a job that requires alot of travel. The other part I like about this schedule is that when we play less frequently than every weekend, it's still something to look forward to, not so much like work. Keeps it fun for me.

ok maybe she loves you enough to see your dreams/wishes
come into play?
or, maybe she wants ya out of the house and that time would be her alone time with the newborn?

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63supro
"The good thing is in a club situation, most of the patrons are trashed and really can't tell the difference."

I can't speak from personal experience (No kids... whewh) but from spending many years playing with people who do have family lives, it really comes down to one big question.

Are you a Professional or a Hobbyist ? If you play for a hobby, there's nothing to say you can't practice on the side, pull a few late nights, get yourself a headphone amp and practice to yourself. You don't have to give up your hobby, but you may have to give up playing out for a while until the kids grow up. If you're a professional, your significant other knew this going into the relationship.. they expect you to be gone playing around to make a living.

My advice is only this:

Why don't you sit down with your wife and discuss this. Don't make any demands or anything, but explain how you feel, and also include her interests in the discussion. Maybe you guys can map out a plan that will let you each pursue some extra-familial interests.

There's almost always a way, but you may need to plan and organize your time. Now that you're a parent you no longer have the luxury of not worrying too much about scheduling, but by the same token if you can organize yourselves, you shouldn't have to retreat into complete isolation to care for your family.

In fact, I would suggest it is in the best interests of your family and yourself to find a way to do the things you love. Children benefit immensely from seeing their parents participate in things like music and sports. Well adjusted and social parents tend to raise well adjusted and social children.

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

agreed 12bar. he might be suprised at what she tells him.
maybe his playing is one of the things she loves most about him.
i myself have heard that before.
a good set down is in order and i hope the outcome is reported back to us
so we can give the internet high 5 to the OP.
whats better than our loved ones support right?

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63supro
"The good thing is in a club situation, most of the patrons are trashed and really can't tell the difference."