I have cut loose many of my friends in the past year and 6 months. Good riddance I say.

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Blues with a feeling.

GUILD GUITARS: MADE TO BE PLAYED!

If the guy can't manage to be sober and behaving decently for once a week visits, it's clear that you did the right thing. Besides, you can't do anything else anyway, with him obviously having a drinking problem which you can't possibly work around, he's going to be way too unpredictable. Remember, it's not your fault, he's got the problem which only he can try and change with help. I pray that he finds the way to accomplish that.

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I believe in Christianity as i believe that the sun has risen. not only because i see it, but because by it, i see everything else. C.S. Lewis

Well, specifically what he did that pushed me over the edge was this. We were eating a plate of Lasagna that I had made on the grill in the backyard. His request. He buys the ingredients and I make two of them. He takes what's leftover from his and eats it as lunch throughout the week.

He was drunk and disorderly at this point so I was glad he was eating. I always carry a pocket knife on me. Always. I turned him on to high quality blades as well. Gave him a nice Spyderco a couple years ago that he carries. First thing he did was to grab my knife from off the picnic table and start stabbing the table, knowing he'd get a reaction out of me. I told him to put down the knife. He then put down the knife, got his out and started stabbing it around my hand, like a game. These knives are extremely sharp. That's when I got up and told him to leave.

We have nice new neighbours. It's embarrassing to say, this is my friend. They see him get drunk, act like a fool and think it's funny. If I don't think what he does is funny, he gets angry. He tries to get me upset.

I have kids, but most times it's like having a trouble making kid with him around. He even gets into arguments with my kids! He uses a different voice when he's drunk. Like he's purposefully trying to be drunk. Like that's an excuse for his behaviour. Also it's like a baby voice, or a child's voice. Hard to explain. He's always trying to get a reaction out of me. A negative one.

When he's sober, it's better. Not always though.

I honestly think he needs more help than just rehab. I think he has a mental condition. Maybe bi-polar. It's like he can't control himself. Anyhow, thanks for listening and commenting. We'll see what the week brings. He has to come get his car and Lasagna. I don't even want to talk to him.

Oh, and after I did this I asked my kids how they felt. My nine year old said "Good!". My 14 year old said "You did the right thing, Daddy".

_________________
-Kirk

GUITARS
'12 Sonoran Acoustic - black (dated 10/31/12)
'13 Standard Strat
AMP
Vox ac4c1-bl
PEDALS
Compressor
Big Muff
Vox Stomplab 1G
Carbon Copy Delay

Oh, and if I could sum up his behaviour when it's drunk, its OBNOXIOUS.

_________________
-Kirk

GUITARS
'12 Sonoran Acoustic - black (dated 10/31/12)
'13 Standard Strat
AMP
Vox ac4c1-bl
PEDALS
Compressor
Big Muff
Vox Stomplab 1G
Carbon Copy Delay

Unfortunately we all have to do some "weeding" from time to time...
I just had to cut a very good friend loose.. it sucks but in the long run these things will hopefully work out for the best....

gotta do what you gotta do....

sir, you are a much better man than me. as i've said before, i drink alot but have NEVER got close to that kind of dangerous behavior.
this guy is lucky he's not eating though a straw. rehab and medication might do him some good. a good butt-whippin' might do some good also. all that after you fed him. he doesn't deserve a friend like you.

Thanks. To be fair, I have my part in this too. For one, I've allowed it to go on too long. I'm loyal to a fault. It starts with putting up with him and not being able to enjoy my self. Then it comes down to protecting my family from his exposure. Then it finnally comes to asking him to leave. I've done it more than once. Last night was a real shouting fest for me though. In the midst of my shouting I actually told him to come back when he was willing and able to behave like a normal adult human being. Not so sure I want him back at all any more.

I'm also no saint when it comes to drinking. I like having my fill and on occasion have gone overboard with him a few times. Never around my family. It was always in the city, during or after a ball game. Thing is, he never wanted to get plastered with me and run around town. It's only at my home he feels safe enough to get drunk.

Last night he actually requested there be no hard alcohol. Well, my house, my life. I wanted to drink something other than beer. He saw me and said, "That's up to you. I'm not having any". 15 minutes later I turn my back and he's sneaking it in the kitchen! Then he proceeds to drink most of the bottle while I'm tending the grill. I hid the bottle after that.

The hard part about cutting him loose for good is I'm his only close friend. It's no wonder why sometimes.

What makes him worse it seems is if he splurges on food, steaks or something similar. It's like he has a license to do whatever he wants to do. One comment he's fond of making is "OR WHAT WILL HAPPEN?" after I ask him not to do something. Don't touch that, or don't bang on the fish tank.

I've considered cutting him loose before. Maybe this time will be for good.

Oh, and Happy Independence day everybody!

_________________
-Kirk

GUITARS
'12 Sonoran Acoustic - black (dated 10/31/12)
'13 Standard Strat
AMP
Vox ac4c1-bl
PEDALS
Compressor
Big Muff
Vox Stomplab 1G
Carbon Copy Delay

it's not YOUR fault. your buddy needs to understand that if he crosses the line, he'll lose what is probably the best friend he has. let him make that choice. the knife thing around your family is defineitly crossing the line.
short story. my cousin, more like a brother, doesn't drink at all. i have a large 100 lb dog that he's known since the dog was a pup. my cuz likes to slap him around the face to get him riled up. he's not hurting the dog but i've told him one day he's gonna get bit. well, he got bit quite hard and now he doesn't slap my pup.
i hope this guy has realized that he crossed the line. it's obviously bothering you and all you were doing is inviting him into your home for what should have and could have been a fun time.
sorry for posting so much but i've been thru this a few times with family members. i really enjoy this forum and hate to hear when someone is having problems.
enjoy your holiday kirk. by the way, nice strat.

i have had a few friends who have had drinking problems. they were your best friends when sober, but mean drunks. some were so bad that i just couldn't be around them any more.

2 of them couldn't beat the bottle- and both of them passed away in the last two years.

i will always help a friend in need, but unfortunately i can only help so much

Update. So he texts me today and tells me plans fell through for the horse races he goes to once a year. He has $300 to give me to pay off a debt and will I forgive him? I talk to my wife, we are the forgiving kind. We've know him for almost 8 years. I say yes, I forgive you and explain I have limits. When it's me and him that's one thing, when my kids are around that's another. He comes right over, semi-drunk. He drinks a few hours and it's obvious to me his attitude is the same. More kids in the house, neighbours, friends of my kids, etc. He can't control himself. He's constantly challenged the kids instead of lifting them up. Screw this crap. I'm almost worried about telling him outright. Worried about some weird retribution. My plan is to phase him out. Oh, and he came over with no money. While we were at the store he got cash back and gave me $100 without saying anything about the full $300.

I'm really not this dramatic. I avoid it. It's just nice to have a place to vent and be validated. Thanks again everybody for the encouragement. I wish he would just go away and get help. I can't help him.

_________________
-Kirk

GUITARS
'12 Sonoran Acoustic - black (dated 10/31/12)
'13 Standard Strat
AMP
Vox ac4c1-bl
PEDALS
Compressor
Big Muff
Vox Stomplab 1G
Carbon Copy Delay

get him help before he hurts someone or himself

_________________
Favorite bands:

Melvins
The Jesus Lizard
Cows
Big Business
R***man
Minutemen
Flight
Minor Threat
Big Black
Shellac
Karp
Scratch Acid
Wipers
Pixies

You did the right thing by cutting this guy loose,he's definitely out of control and that kind of behaviour would be very upsetting and traumatic to any children that were subjected to it.Your children are the most important thing in your life and you must do your utmost to protect them from this loose cannon.I "had"a friend who would become more obnoxious with every beer and would stop drinking just before he fell face first to the floor,his wife who was almost as bad would laugh and think he was charming.Needless to say I stopped inviting them to the house.

_________________
'65 Strat,65 Mustang,65 Jaguar,4 more Strats,3 vintage Vox guitars,5 Vox amps,'69 Bassman with a '68 2-15 Bassman cab,36 guitars total-15asst'd amps total,2 vintage '60s Hammond organs & a myriad of effects-with a few rare vintage ones.

I think that's the key. Stop inviting him over. We are still very civilized in our suburban community. We've lived here 8. He's lived here 52. So, it's weird to combat this emotional turf. He very VERY compulsive and stoic in his habits. Cutting him off is like cutting off a limb at this point. He's come over every weekend for years. He's a fixture around here every weekend. He does NOT like change. Freaky.

_________________
-Kirk

GUITARS
'12 Sonoran Acoustic - black (dated 10/31/12)
'13 Standard Strat
AMP
Vox ac4c1-bl
PEDALS
Compressor
Big Muff
Vox Stomplab 1G
Carbon Copy Delay

gldfshkpr, here on the Forum we are going to be supportive of you Bro. I have a friend with substance abuse problems. I am guessing he is still alive because not one of his friends knows where he is. He came to visit me at my old apartment about a dozen years ago. I had to take a telephone call while he was visiting and went into the dining room to talk, when I returned to the living room we talked for a minute and then he left which puzzled me because when he first arrived he said he would stay for awhile. I don't know why I thought I should check my liquor cabinet but when I did I noticed that a fresh bottle of tequila that I had recently purchased was over half empty. I don't know how he drank that so fast and was still able to act natural, anyway, that was the last time that I saw him and in spite of his problems still like him and am concerned for his well being but he is gone and I can only hope that he is OK. When your friend gets better hopefully he will come back and apologize and be a better friend from then on.

_________________
you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

So far the whole conversation has been about protecting your family, and I agree that this should be your number one concern.

However another thing occurred to me. Perhaps by allowing him to repeatedly come to your house, making him food, letting him drink your stuff, etc. you are enabling his behavior. You say he doesn't have any other friends - perhaps your sympathy is the one thing that he uses to justify to himself that what he's doing is okay, and if he lost you, it would be the rock bottom that he needs to make a change in his life.

So perhaps you can take comfort knowing that by cutting him loose you are not only protecting your family, but you are helping him help himself as well.

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life is too short for bad tone.