I was talking to a guy at work about something in particular and when prompted with a question, he said "my wife won't let me, I'm not allowed"


it took my brain a while to process that, but it got me thinking do married men actually believe that or was he just using it as an excuse for not wanting to do something.


having never been married it's hard for me to identify that living with a wife she somehow becomes the broker in your decision making process. is this par for course or just a case of a man whose lost the frame?

My ex-wife tried that on occasion. That's why she's my ex-wife...

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Old age and treachery will win every time over youth and enthusiasm.

"You can never have too many Tele's." A quote from my Sweetwater Sales Engineer

Hi KPI, welcome to the Forum.

I suspect the guy just didn't want to do whatever you were suggesting and used that as an excuse. What is it you were putting to him...?

Still, if that's really how his marriage is working - well then it ain't working right. Either he or his wife or both are going at it the wrong way. A good marriage is about both parties supporting and encouraging each other.

That's how mine seems to work, anyhow. Mrs C is right behind everything I do and frequently out in the lead. I have to hope I'm doing the same in return.

There ya go: free marriage guidance on the Fender Forum...

- C

At work, we bid on shift and days off by seniority. Years ago when a partial weekend was available, I asked a guy ahead of me in seniority if he was going to put in for it. (We both had Thursday/Friday off, and the opening was for a Sunday/Monday.) He said that he had to talk it over with his wife first. We both hate the job, so I said to him "Who works here, you or your wife?" If I have to work at a job that I don't like just to pay the bills, then the decision for days off is mine; the wife has no say in the matter! I will occasionally make compromises in my marriage, but in the end I'm still the King Of The Castle. I can be stubborn, and if I don't want to do something it doesn't matter who asks... I won't do it. I'm told what to do when I'm at work. After work is over... I'm the Boss.

I thought my wife was supportive of my music while I was married but when we started having trouble one of the first things she threw in my face was how I was gone all the time playing music...which wasn't entirely true.
Now that I'm single again I see how much freedom I have...just not having to work things out with a wife.
At 57,I don't ever see being married again.

Usually, if I have to check with my wife, it's because I care about what she wants, too.

She doesn't forbid me anything (or vice versa), but she'll tell me if she'd rather do something else. In most things, doing something with my wife is usually more fun than doing something alone, or even with the guys. If I had a choice of days to take off, I'd check with her to see which one works with her schedule, too.

i agree with rjim. that's my situation also. we do most everything together and she comes to reharesals cuase my bandmates want her there and she enjoys it. she's a good bass fisher too. of course i don't go shopping with her cause she needs a little time away from me and the dogs. i'd be lost without her.

It sounds like an excuse for something he doesn't want to do ... wife or no wife.

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Laughing out loud with fear and hope, I have a desperate plan ...

When I was married I could do any flippin' thing I wanted and I could do it any flippin' time I wanted and any flippin' way I wanted. All I had to do was just phone home first and find out if I wanted to do it.

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Just think of how awesome a guitar player you could have been by now if you had only spent the last 10 years practicing instead of obsessing over pickups and roasted maple necks.

That was my first impression too, because I often use the "wife excuse" to get out of doing things I don't want to - but the "my wife won't let me, I'm not allowed" makes it sound like this particular guys is thoroughly whipped.

My wife wouldn't let me buy a motorcycle in June of 2003.

In my garage you will now find two of them.

She told me I'd better NOT get my ear pierced (this was November of 1998). Then she bought me a diamond ear-ring for Christmas because she hated the gold bead on the piercing stud.

Are we seeing a pattern here?

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You're only as strong as
the drinks you pour,
the tables you dance on,
and the friends you roll with.

The main problem with this is that the extenuating circumstances aren't explained. Did you ask the bloke if he wanted a beer after work. Perhaps without knowing he's a alcoholic and would likely have returned home 3 weeks later and kicked his wife's head in? See what I mean?

Fact is marriage involves mutual respect. When you start a family(and a wife is family, if you cant view her as such you have no right getting married) your not your own person any more and your decisions aren't yours alone.

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No no and no

I believe in one major fact of life, "if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy."

I have been married 25 years. I went through the "it's my life" stage where I was the boss and did what I wanted to. But I soon discovered that going out with the boys without her consent was no longer fun.

Most of the time I will bounce decisions that affect us both off of her and will respect her feelings in the matter. I have learned that if you ask, you must be prepared to accept the answer you are given. Otherwise just tell, she will get over it soon enough just do not be a macho pig about it. Like when I said, "I ordered a guitar today" I was very polite.

When someone says, "let me check with the wife" they are basically saying my home life is my priority. Do not consider it a weakness or a sign of being whooped.

For me, it's just a simple fact that I wake up next to the most beautiful lady in the world, not my friends, and I want to see a smile on that face.

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Support your local guitar shop.

Some guys are truly P-whipped. Some marriages are not too mature, on one or both sides. Some lack effective communication.

Happily, this picker's demi-philosophical spouse looks at the bigger picture in ours and if the big, important stuff is taken aare of, she does not much care if there are guitars and amps around.

You and I must have the same ex-wife!

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Current Gear: Ron Kirn Barnbuster Tele,
Marshall: 1971 SuperLead 100>1997 1960-TV, bunch of pedals
and a 1987 Porsche 911 Carrera coupe named Veronica