A friend opened a new store recently, so i decided to send her flowers to mark the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and she read the card, "Rest in Peace."

She called me to to let me know.Obviously i was angry angry and called the florist to complain. After I told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry I was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

My grandfather ran a Turkish kebab shop. When he died we buried him with all his equipment. I expect he's turning in his grave.

- C

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42lpMfChdFA

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

Good Gawd, don't you people have anything better to do?


No, me neither...

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I really like all them "Aster" guitars. You know, like the Stratoc, Telec and Jazzm.

my only day off for the next 2 weeks, I'm waiting for a package, of coarse they only give you a 9 a.m.-7 p.m. delivery window. thanks for narrowing it down like that. There's some customs fees so i kinda have to be around. i won't have time to go pick it up if i miss the delivery

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

Well, I was working long hours as a taxidermist - till I was fired for doing a half-arsed job.

I used to be a mime. It's only now I can talk about it.

I don't think I got the job with Microsoft. They haven't replied to my telegram.

I had a part-time job as a trampoline salesman. It was an on-and-off thing.

I used to work making clown shoes. That was no small feat.

The pollen count - that was a difficult job.

They've just made it illegal to wear the veil in Belgium (true). That's ruined my plans to become a Belgian bee-keeper.

So now I'm living off my wife. It's hard to say what she does: she sells sea shells on the sea shore...

- C

Loved the joke Horseman!

I think you are the first forum member who's voice I have heard. Thats a great tone from your Tele, tell me mate, have you changed the pots to 500k or 1meg for the WRH?

Cheers, keep the playing going and keep those jokes comin!

CC

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Fender Stratocaster (parts build)
Fender Telecaster 72 Custom RI
Fender Telecoustic Deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic Pro-Jet
Gibson Les Paul Standard Plus
Gibson ES-135
Zenith Type-17
Marshall 70's JMP Superbass 100w
Blackstar HT-5

Did i tell you guys about my recent brush with a celebrity?

I was down the pub last night when a dwarf walked in.

I shouted, "Hey, shorty, where's the other six?"

He said, "F**k off, I hate a-holes like you."

He must have been Grumpy.

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

Double post


So...

I just got back from a funeral. My paraplegic friend had an overdose, he had a heroine problem he just couldn't kick.

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, but held it out over the beer, and started shaking it and yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

CC

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Fender Stratocaster (parts build)
Fender Telecaster 72 Custom RI
Fender Telecoustic Deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic Pro-Jet
Gibson Les Paul Standard Plus
Gibson ES-135
Zenith Type-17
Marshall 70's JMP Superbass 100w
Blackstar HT-5

Hey CC! Yes, the Tele's previous owner had put in 500K pots all around. In that clip, I've got the pickup selector switch in the middle and my Super Champ XD on voice #6. Of late, I've been playing the bridge pickup through voice #9. Too many switches and dials--my tone is hiding in there somewhere!

I have an idea for another joke to record. Maybe I'll get to it this Sunday...

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I really like all them "Aster" guitars. You know, like the Stratoc, Telec and Jazzm.