The drummer is my best friend, and whenever we're practicing he says,"no, I aint good enough", and just sits on the seat of the drum kit while I play riffs. We haven't even learned one song together and we've been at this for about 6 weeks. He says my songs are awesome and he's willing to play them on drum, but when we're practicing I say, "Try to figure out a cool beat for that part", he always refuses cause he claims his not good enough. I get on the drum kit and figure out a simpple beat that he could play with sinch, when I show him he says, "Alright I'll try it", gets on it, one shot and says, "I cant do it".
I really wanna be in a band, but theres no one else I know to jam/ptactice with, and I'm about to say, "our band isn't working out". What should I do?

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riley

Have a friendly word with him mate. Tell him your only doing it for fun and that you'd like him to be a bit more adventurous. BE FRIENDLY ABOUT IT. Tell him if he makes mistakes your not worried and that its part of the learning process.

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No no and no

+1, like Nik said, its all for fun, you can't get better unless you try. 30+ years, and I'm still trying. Try to build his confidence, with compliments.

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2012 American Vintage Telecaster 1958
09 Fender american deluxe strat.
97 Gibson les paul special P90's double-cut
65 Princeton reverb re-issue
2010 Guild Gad-F40e

yeah I tell him not to worry if you make a mistake but I think he just couldn't be stuffed doing. I think he wants to get as good as dave grohl in 1 minute.

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riley

Tell him to just play a constant beat and to not worry about fills and stuff. Take away everything but the bass, snare and hit-hat. He may just be intimidated or worried about making a mistake. Reassume him that even if he does mess up it's no big deal and that you don't care. When I first started playing with people I was afraid that they would look down on me if I made a mistake and not want to play again but then I learned an easy trick... keep it simple stupid!

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Tune Low, Play Hard & Floor it!

This is a ridiculous statement to start with!! Why would a kid playing a drum along with another kid playing guitar say I am not good enough to play with you???? There some kind of self esteem problem there? For the Drummer to have a guitar player friend show him how to do a lick then try it an not be able to do it is no drummer. Especially if the guitar player can do it better and he is not a drummer.

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The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

Thomas Jefferson

When I was a kid, I was in all kinds of bands and usually more than one at the same time. I still do that. I'm in a few different bands. Seems like you have a band of drama. Man, you're what 13? Being in a band is supposed to be fun. Look around and you'll probably see lots of other musicians around. I'd just look for another band. It's not a marriage, it's a band. Get a new one. Tell you're friend when he thinks he's ready, you'll start another one with him.

Maybe if you got him drunk he'd have more confidence.

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Rated "M" for meaty.

Man, they're kids LOL.

Just give your buddy time and encouragement,you're only young and you have years to practice before fame and fortune comes your way.

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'65 Strat,65 Mustang,65 Jaguar,4 more Strats,3 vintage Vox guitars,5 Vox amps,'69 Bassman with a '68 2-15 Bassman cab,36 guitars total-15asst'd amps total,2 vintage '60s Hammond organs & a myriad of effects-with a few rare vintage ones.

Just my $.02 as always...

First and foremost as I recently said in another thread, putting a band together with "friends" is perhaps one of the single fastest ways to break up that friendship. "Jamming" with friends is cool and such but if you're serious about music and serious about putting a band together, my first suggestion is to seek other individuals...make it a "professional" endeavor. I won't speak for others but a band in this regard is just like any other "job" and while I've certainly made friends at any job, most of the friendships don't last beyond the job itself. One person or the other eventually leaves and those friends tend to go their separate ways.

Conversely, even two (or more) people who don't really like each other and would -never- consider themselves as friends can have a "professional working relationship". Perhaps the most famous example of this would be "The Who"...the number of times that Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry nearly clubbed each other to death is very well documented! LOL!!! But when it came to "the band" their goals were the same...in the end they set their personal feelings aside and did what they needed to do and what was best for "the band". In other words, you don't need to be friends in order to work well together. If you are, great....but it's not a prerequisite at all. When I'm looking for new people for a particular band, the first things I look for are simply if the person can play and if their style and sound fits the band. Second to that I look for someone who is going to be -reliable-...if a person can't be bothered to make it to a weekly practice (and put their own practice time in between band practices to actually -know- the tunes), then there's no guarantee that they're going to show up for a gig either. Yea, it's nice if the person is also fairly easy to get along with but as long as the person can play, is willing to work with us and is going to be there for the band, those are the main considerations. Having any kind of friendship come out of it is just and added bonus really.

With that in mind, putting a band together...if you're really serious about it and plan at some point to "play out", then it really is very much like starting your own business. You "invest" time and often a great deal of money and when you start playing out or even recording you expect a "return" on that investment because you're providing a -service-. Think about it...you wouldn't expect a professional wedding photographer to shoot your wedding for free, let alone have them pay you for it would you? What about the caterer? "A band" is no different...whether you're playing a wedding or in a bar, you're providing a professional service. As such and as with any business, "your best bud" may simply not be the right person for the job. As with any business you want someone who is going to perform their job within reasonable expectations and if a person isn't capable of doing that...friend or not...then you fire them and replace them with someone who can.

It's a simple fact that in most bands people tend to come and go...particularly with bands that are just getting started. Sometimes a group of friends will get together and -if- they're lucky and -if- they're really good, they may make it to the point that they do actually start doing gigs but even here, sooner or later someone will usually drop out. So and so got married, so and so's family moved out of town, so and so's work schedule changed and he/she doesn't have time for the band any more...hundreds of reasons out there (and believe me, I've heard most of them! LOL!). It's nothing personal in most cases, it's just the way these things work. -If- the band is by chance working, then this means you need to get a "replacement"...often in a hurry should you have gigs pending! Respectively, sometimes in a band situation you will simply get someone who can't...or won't...carry their own weight. Got a bass player who'd rather be at the bar drinking and trying to get laid? Time to replace him. Did the lead singer's wife just have a baby and now -if- he shows up, he's tired and wrecked from being up all night with the new baby? You gotta get someone who's able to be there and able to work. Got a manager who just isn't getting you any gigs at all? Time to find someone else. "Friendship" doesn't come in to -any- of this. As I've said elsewhere, this is why it's called the "music business". Just like virtually any other job, people come and people go. At the risk of sounding blunt, get used to it.

Now all of that aside for a moment, in your friend's case it sounds like he has some serious confidence issues in regards to his own playing...and sadly enough, the -only- person who can do anything about that is him. You can try to be supportive but in the end that's about all you can really do. For some folks it's just a matter of "getting their feet wet" and actually getting out there and doing it. For others they may need something like professional lessons or even just time for the skills to develop or something to bolster their confidence in their own abilities...after all, we all had to start some place. Either way though it's not something that -you- can force...either the person wants to play or he doesn't and that is -his- decision. And the truth of the matter is that this comes right back to the whole job thing...if the person is unwilling or unable to do their job, if you're serious about your music then that person needs to be replaced with someone who can do the job (which is why "friends" often make very poor band mates).

My suggestion to you is to just let your friend be "your friend" and separate the friendship from the music. Ok...I don't know where you live so I really don't know how practical this is for you. Perhaps you live in some third world village or even a small farming town with a population of only 25 (including the mayor's dog!) but in most places it's not really -that- hard to find musicians on your own level to work with. Personally whenever I'm seeking "new employee's", again I'll start just as though I were starting my own company by putting out some "help wanted ads". Put up some flyers in your local music stores, post ads on places like Craigslist (they do have a musician's section!) or Backpage and if push comes to shove fork out $30 and place an ad in local newpapers or periodicals...many cities have magazines such as "Scene" that have musician's classifieds. Clearly state what you are looking for...start with "Drummer Wanted" and include the type of music you are playing, your influences, your goals and even the age or experience group that you're looking for. There's even ads out there that simply say things like "guitar player with x years of experience looking for like minded musicians to jam with..."...nothing wrong with that at all.

Alrighty, sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear but the honest truth is that there's no real magic to this thing we call the music business. Again if you're serious about your playing and you have any goals of being even semi-professional then you do need to treat it as a business...even if your only goal is to be one of us "weekend warriors". If your "friend" can't do his job, it's time to find someone who can. It really is as simple as that.

Peace,
Jim

(Physiology Services...please leave your nickle in the tin can by the door as you leave. Thank you, )

Dealing with people who lack self esteem and drive is more annoying than dealing with a bullheaded jerk who's trying to push you around. I have very little patience for people who sit and pout and think they're not good enough. You are what you believe you are. If you think you suck then yes you will suck. If you believe that you are great then you will be. I'm not saying that if your friend suddenly shows up and announces that they are awesome that they will be Dave Grohl on the drums but if they sit and hang their head and say that they can't do it then they won't. To me it sounds as if they like the idea of playing the drums but they find it harder than they thought so they're discouraged. I'm more of a not dead, can't quit type of guy so that thinking bothers me. You can't help those that don't want to be helped so say what you have to, be honest and sincere and then if you have to move along. Whatever happens please don't let this person get in the way of you accomplishing great things.

its funny I'm just like that on guitar... He just needs a confidence boost, like me.

Its good that he has a friend like you too who's sticking with him

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(former user jimbo612)

You might ask him "not good enough for ... {what/who}." Maybe he's trying to compare himself to some idol of his. Or perhaps without even thinking about it, you've held up some pro drummer you both know as the sound you like. You need to find the context ... maybe knowing that you can do something about it.

Meanwhile though, other posters are right ... start looking for other bands. You might try Craigslist (if they have one for your area), the local paper or just hang at your local music store and let the people there know what you're looking for.

Riley at your age you should go through at least two bands, and three girls a week ITs all normal Dude... hang in there!

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