A fellow walks in his local pet shop looking to buy a dog, talking to the shop owner, the owner says " take a look at those two, they are a little older but house broken and well behaved". the fellow does look them over and because they both look equally good he can't make up his mind and then asks the owner for some help. The owner said " they are both quite nice the only real difference would be that one talks" as he was pointing at the retriever. The fellow says your kidding and walks over to talk to the talking dog and sure enough the dog talks back very well. The fellow tells the dog " That's amazing were did you learn to talk like that?" and the dog said " I was in the CIA for several years stationed everywhere Russia, North Korea, Iraq, Iran and I basically would listen to the bad guys and then report back to headquarters whatever I heard, but I'm retired now and would just like to be a pet to a nice family and take it easy." The fellow turns to the owner and said " I like the talking dog, I'll take him, how much do you want?" and the owner said " 10 dollars." The fellow was surprised and asked the owner " why do you want only 10 dollars for this talking dog?" The owner said "Because that dog is a liar he never did any of that stuff."

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

Good one.

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http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/fuego- ... d490937974
Fender Strat Highway 1, Fender Telecaster MIM 60 Anniversary Edition, Fender Squire Telecaster, Boss GT-10, Marshall VS100
http://www.youtube.com/user/jcpalphachannel

Hello SolidBodyLoveSongs,

Great joke, I'll be using that one on the
boys at work. Thanks.

Cheers.

I like that joke! Thanks for posting. I'll be sharing that joke, too!!

i want a talking dog

alright, since a human is crying here....there is a talking dog....well, really, as close to talking as you can get....it was on The Montel Williams Show, and maybe it's on You tube, but if you google talking dog montel williams show i bet you'll be able to see this adorable dog....and like any great song...what do you think the dog says? Well, lots of love songs, right? The dog says "I LOVE YOU".....you have to see it and hear him...he is adorable!!!

FOUND IT---go to you tube and type in search window 'ODIE THE PUG' and watch the Montel Williams clip of it. He is also on Letterman...both clips are there separately. Enjoy!

(spelled O-D-I-E the pug) i typed this b/c it seemed a bit hard to see the "i" in Odie

That isn't a talking dog, even I can tell that, unless, it is a talking dog imitating a dog that really can't talk that is trying to talk, that is a very clever talking dog, I wonder, can it imitate any thing else?

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

Ah - a "talking dog" stories thread. Been waiting for that to come along...

So. A talking dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman is most surprised; "Amazing! A talking dog - who'd have thunk? Here's your drink." The dog drinks up and leaves.

Next day the barman is at work and a guy comes in who from his attire is obviously the showmaster in a circus - he's wearing a top hat, tails, a spangly vest, etc. As the barman is setting up the guy's drink he mentions; "You work in a circus? You should have been in here yesterday. I served a drink to someone I'm sure you'd like to meet - a talking dog!"

The guy says; "Yeah really? Amazing! If that talking dog comes in again please ask him to come and see me. I believe I could offer him a job..."

Next day the barman is working when in comes the talking dog again. As the barman is pouring his drink he says; "Yesterday there was a guy in here who would very much like to meet you. He's the ringmaster in a circus."

The talking dog takes a pull on his drink and says; "Oh yeah? Why - does he need a trombone player?"

Cheers - C

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog, has a problem."

Dr. Saul says, "So tell me about the dog and the problem."

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty. "He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: "Irving, Fetch!"

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed. "This is remarkable! What could be the problem?"

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said fetch, not kvetch"

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

Life lessons learned from a dog

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

2. Don't go out without ID.

3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.

4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.

7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

Awesome , i love dog jokes didnt eddie on Frasier once outfox the main man at chess?

good jokes guys

A blind man walks into a shop with his guide dog, picks it up and starts to swing it around his head, the shopkeeper says, can I help you!, no thanks, said the blind man, I'm just looking! - Tommy Cooper

I'm just looking. That's too funny!

Slightly off topic, but here goes....

A girl is in her car, driving along a country road. She see's a duck lying at the side of the road, she hits the brakes and leaps from her car. She picks the duck up, and it just flops in her hands. Nevertheless, she places the duck on the back seat of her car, and races to the vets. She screetches to a halt outside the vets clinic, scoops up the duck and makes a dash for the O.R. Fortunately the attending vet has had just finished with another patient, and went straight over to the girl with the duck. He asked what happened, she said she found him at the roadside. The vet had a quick look, and exclaimed " This is a dead duck, he is no more" the girl by this time was hysterical, "no, no, no, you must do something, help him pleaseeeeee!" The vet tried to calm the distraught girl, no good. She was not moving, she demanded he treat this poor duck. OK the vet said, fine, you will have to pay all costs. So he brought a black Labrador into the O.R. the dog jumped up on the treatment table, and began to sniff around the duck. After a few minutes, the dog jumped back down to the floor. He looked at the vet, and shook his head with a sad look. Next the vet brought in a feline, the cat jumped up on to the table. It placed it's paws over and on the duck, nothing, nada, not a quck. The cat jumped back off the table, went over to the vet and rubbed against his leg (as yer average cat does) the cat looked up and shook it's head, again with a sad look. The girl was standing watching all of this in disbelief, the vet exclaimed " The duck is dead, I'm sorry" The girl was sobbing, and asked how much she owed. Lets see says the vet, all and all it comes to £400.00. What!!!!!!!!! said the girl, you have to be kidding me! The vet reminded her he said it could be expensive, the girl was furious. I want to see the bill in detail, how come it's so expensive? The vet said, " Well the lab report works in at about £200, and of course the cat scan is much the same £200. Boom boom