here's one we use in the Army...Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
ABS

Here's a few i use.

Happier than a puppy with two peckers.
Colder than a welldiggers ^$$
Mader than a stiffnecked headbanger.
Uglier than sin
Well if a frog had wings it would'nt bump it's ^$$ when it jumped.

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Being able to play and enjoy music is a gift that's often taken for granted.

Don't leave home without it!

Here's one for the U.K. guys:

'He's as bent as a 9 pound note'

other:

'He's as high as God's face'
'Nuttier than nut porn'
'my mouths as dry as Ghandi's flip-flop'

CC

_________________
Fender Stratocaster (parts build)
Fender Telecaster 72 Custom RI
Fender Telecoustic Deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic Pro-Jet
Gibson Les Paul Standard Plus
Gibson ES-135
Zenith Type-17
Marshall 70's JMP Superbass 100w
Blackstar HT-5

We have a variation of that here that goes... "I wouldnt piss up his arse if his guts were on fire"

And to add a new one:

Its so cold I saw a democrat with his hands in his own pockets!

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"I started out with nothing, and still have most of it"

some real funny ones posted
here's more........

If the wind changes your face is going to stay like that

Lower than a snakes belly

"I'm T C'n here" ( Touching Cloth) desperatly needing a $@!&

He's as thick as two short planks

How about....

Ugly as a bag of hammers.

A face, that would, move a mountain.

Cold as a mother in laws breath.

Pilot light, is on, but the equipment is not running!

Raining, Cats and Dogs

Elevator, only goes to the 10th floor , of a 20 story building.



JASTER

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Gear:
2006 Pre-upgraded Highway One, 3 color sunburst, with Vintage Noiseless pickups and old school, small headstock and fender logo.

Remember....

Live...Laugh...Love...and keep on playing !!!
Music is a gift, for all to enjoy!!!!

Another one when referring to someone with a sour look on their face:

'He looks like a bulldog lickin piss off a nettle'

CC

_________________
Fender Stratocaster (parts build)
Fender Telecaster 72 Custom RI
Fender Telecoustic Deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic Pro-Jet
Gibson Les Paul Standard Plus
Gibson ES-135
Zenith Type-17
Marshall 70's JMP Superbass 100w
Blackstar HT-5

Dumber than a bag of rocks
"name here" is so stupid he should wear a helmet
Tenser than a campsite

_________________
Rated "M" for meaty.

'Camp as a white Christmas with pink snow'

CC

_________________
Fender Stratocaster (parts build)
Fender Telecaster 72 Custom RI
Fender Telecoustic Deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic Pro-Jet
Gibson Les Paul Standard Plus
Gibson ES-135
Zenith Type-17
Marshall 70's JMP Superbass 100w
Blackstar HT-5

As excited as a very excitable person with a particular reason to be excited.

_________________
Rated "M" for meaty.

Two of my favorites....


It's too bad that stupid isn't painful.

No brains, no headaches.

a few more...

He's crazier than a run over chicken
She's so ugly her momma fed her with a slingshot
He's so ugly he must of fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
So dumb he couldn't pour water from a boot with the instructions on the heel.
When something smells really bad it stinks bad enough to gag a maggot on a gut truck.

He's so ugly, his mom had to tie a porkchop around his neck just so the dog would play with him!

That's ugly!

Gridlok

Or:

"The cage is open but the beast is asleep..." (meaning: please zip your fly).

I do like this one, BTW:


- C