I get so depresed at times, I feel like everyone ignores me, no one cares about me, I'm tallentless etc.
The main reason for all of this is dystonia. I had a stroke at the age of 9 and that gave me dystonia on my right side. I wanted to kill myself at first, but I got over it. Its so frustrating, I cant even type with my right hand, cant minipulate, I cant even throw for christ sake. The only things I can do with my right side are strum and hold things. An I've lived with it for 4 f%#@in' years. People bully me at school cause of my disability, but I've learnt to not care what other people think of me.
My best escape, grunge music. I can relate to so many of the songs, it really got me up when I fist heard heart shaped box by nirvana. Plus a few of my other escapes: eating junk food, sleeping, electric guitar, energy drinks, talking with my friends.
Cause of my stroke, I couldnt even stand up or move or talk for 3 weeks, I went to rehab, physio, ot, speech therapy like 3 times a day. I felt like I was in hell. I hate it when people think, " Hes so brave....." and smile and stare at me, and worry about me, that still happens alot with my mum. Its almost like she wanted it to happen. And what really pisses me off is that barely anyone knows what I've been through, that angers me to hell.
Also I feel guilty whenever someone does something for me. Eg, Dad gives me 3 bucks. I feel extremely guilty, and very sad. Even when my parents make me dinner. I've had this feeling for about 3 months now. Ialso keep to myself alot.

To sum it all up, I get really deppresed alot, I have this guilty feeling that doesn't seem to go away, I have bad health (all I eat is junk food 24/7), I'm physically and mentally disabled.

What is wrong with me?

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riley

Nothing wrong with you Bro. l am not very good at explaining organic chemistry or molecular biology stuff I can only say that because of your age/ experience level and your changes in response to stimulus both interior and exterior as a result of recovering from a medical event your good level of control comes for the interior stuff
http://new.music.yahoo.com/funkadelic/t ... 475#lyrics
this explains it better if you have time to read it.
I'm still recovering from a stroke myself I wasn't doing very good at first but I always would think that if I could refocus the direction of my thoughts it might help. It does. Every one knows that you have talent. Pretending that you don't, only works if you are writing a song.

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

Riley i'm not a specialist or anything of the sort but to me it sounds like you might want to surround yourself with possitive supportive people. Maybe a change in lifestyle as in your diet and habits. As for the mental part maybe a change in uplifting music and STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF and accept what has happened to you and make the best of it. You really have it alot easier than alot of other people. Keep positive thoughts of how you are with your playing and remember you are at least trying and are probably better than alot of people without any physical problems. Do a search for people born without arms or legs. I saw a guy on TV the other nightthat didn't have any arms at all that plays guitar with his feet and did so quite well. He even traveled to schools and such to show kids that with any situation you can do anything you put your mind to. You might want to check your meds if you take any for any histories of depression from other users. If all else fails going to church and finding love from the church family and getting envolved with them does wonders. Maybe while you're there call on God for your needs spiritually, physically, and mental. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

definitely change your diet a.s.a.p. i was on a diet that called for a certain amount of fruits, veges and meat for a time. i noticed it helped me feel more better. then i went off of that and was doing fast food, and after awhile of that, i began to feel more down, but i'm getting back on track with that diet.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry"
-Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929

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Blues with a feeling.

GUILD GUITARS: MADE TO BE PLAYED!

The one thing I have learned is that there is always "change". Nothing ever stays the same. As bad as anything is, to a degree it is only temporary. I wish you well ...

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Laughing out loud with fear and hope, I have a desperate plan ...

Not a thing wrong with you Riley.

Please chasnge the diet as said, your body is an incredibly complex organic collection of machines run by master systems. The computer adage applie, "garbage in, garbage out."

Also, positive thoughts and people are all important. Give aread or listen to "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, especially the part about the guy in the airplane wreck.

And bless you, you are making big progress. Hang in there, Dude.

Prayers and guitar-player-brotherly love from metro Chicago.

Riley, your in my thoughts and prayers. Remember as stated earlier, everything changes. You have friends here........... Mike

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The blues ain't nothin but a good man feelin bad.

Being honest I think you are just being a teenager bro. I know plenty of people who are disabled. It aint fun. I myself am blind in one eye.

I think you just need to be around more positive people and stop listening to the suicide music. Relating to something so negative doesn't mean it's helping.

Stay positive, enjoy Christmas and be grateful for all you do have, not the things you don't.

I suffered depression very badly and it has only improved in recent years. Saying that I'm still a borderline alcoholic and a grown man who wakes up and cries now and then.

It's life bro, thats all it is. And in your case it's teenage life with so much focus on negatives. Unhealthy bro. Best of luck.

CC

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Blackstar HT-5

+1 on what everyone has already said.

My Mom had cancer and was in and out of the hospital when I was 14-15. It was an extremely hard time for all of us, and I don't think there was one day where I didn't either cry or wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. I didn't open up to anyone, because I didn't think anyone could possibly understand or help. I listened to hardcore, screamo, metal, rap and any other kind of music that sounded as unsettling and dark as possible. When my Mom would be in the hospital my little brother and I would be shuttled from one family member or friend to another to stay with at a time where I really just wanted to be alone and in my own home. Over time I got more and more depressed, and I started resenting people and life more and more. This went on even after my Mom's cancer had gone away.

I still can't pinpoint exactly what got me back on the right track, but I believe that God had a lot to do with it. One of the first things I did was to forgive people, everyone I was mad at (and that was a long list of people). Even though it feels like they deserve to be hated, by bottling up all this anger inside the only person you really hurt is yourself. It's like drinking poison to kill someone else. In most cases the reason people will make fun of you is because they get a kick out of watching you tear yourself apart in an attempt to get them back. Just ignore them, one day it will catch up with them whether you're there to see it or not. If anything feel sorry for them. They're probably more insecure than you are, and they're cowards for taking it out on other people.

And definately change your diet. I gave up soda and now every time I drink it I get a stomach ache. One of the reasons my Mom got cancer was because we weren't eating very healthy. So please, eat better and I know you'll feel better too.

I'm not going to tell you not to listen to grunge, but listening to uplifting music is very, very important to your attitude. Don't drag yourself down with songs about death, hate and despair even if you can identify with it. Music has a lot of power, and you can use it to drag yourself deeper in the pit. It will only make you feel worse. And that's actually what I wanted a few years ago. But I didn't want to listen to lighthearted pop music about fluffy, unrealistic things. So blues was the perfect compromise for me. It could be lighthearted or not, and it was always real. Blues, and Stevie Ray Vaughan in particular, had a lot to do with getting me completely up out of the hole I was already starting to climb out of. Find music that will do that for you, whether or not it's blues.
And even if you don't like his music, learn more about Stevie Ray Vaughan the person. He came very close to death, but he bounced back from it.

And my final bit of advice would be to find someone to talk to in person. Tell him or her what you've just told us. Be honest with your family. If you don't want to be pitied, tell them. Tell them about how you feel guilty and talk about things that they and you can do to help that. I know it's very hard to talk with someone about the things you really feel, but you need it. Everyone needs it really. And to say that you're ignored, no one cares and that you're talentless is a lie from the pit of hell. When you're 13 it's really hard to feel like you have any talent because you haven't really been around long enough to know what you're good at. You could turn out to be a monster guitar player, or you could be incredibly good at something you haven't even tried to do yet. My Dad's great at fixing computers, and home computers weren't even invented yet when he was 13. They were the size of a room. And don't think there's no one who cares about you. Your parents do, even if you can't really see that now. Your friends do, even if they act stupid sometimes. And your future wife, children and friends care very much about you. You just haven't met them yet.

I guess I should probably stop talking before I write a book. So Merry Christmas! I hope you have a good one.

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Looks to me that you could be doin with some laughs in your life, they say it's the best medicine I'd suggest getting yourself some Laurel & Hardy dvd's & a bowl of fruit.........I'm just a middle aged fart trying to help. don't know a great deal about your condition. sounds like your havin a real tough time I hope someone sends a reply that will help you out better than I can, all the best to you anyway, you know theres great support from loads of other forum members

There is nothing wrong with you! Keep your head up!

Goran

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"If you're on a path that's beaten, it's not your path." Joseph Campbell

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

"All that is impossible remains to be achieved."
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Well first off there is nothing wrong with you. For what you are going through I think you're quite normal. Even when things aren't bad we all have our dark moments and times. Sometimes dark music is therapeutic because it lets us know that there are amazing musicians who can relate. You know that most of the songs that you love were written when the artists who made them felt the bleakest. Use your feelings to motivate you but in a positive way. Write some songs of your own, even just write down your thoughts and when you do read them back to yourself. I know from personal experience that I look back at my darkest times with a sense of pride. I know that I'm a much stronger person for it. People mean well when they say things like "you'll get through this" or "this too shall pass". While all of this is true we all know that it doesn't help you right now. Right now you should set some goals and have some fun. If you play guitar already then that's a great release. Embrace that and embrace those who love you. I can relate with how you feel about the people around you and you have to know that they would most likely do the exact same things for you if things were different and even if that is not the case they do these things because they care. If what they do makes you feel bad or offends you then you have to tell them. I wish I had some magic words for you but I don't. All I can say is that
I wish you all the best and I hope to hear from you soon. Let us know how you're doing.

Riley, when you mentioned dystonia in another post, I looked it up. But I had no idea you were only 13. It's a very difficult age, people are just tyrants. You think it's you, that it's your problem, but at that age, everyone is obsessed with status, and it makes them cruel.
You can see it. They cant. If they cant rise on their own, they'll try to put you down. Dont let 'em make you feel small. You end up directing your hate at youself. I know I did. I became a loner and I still am today.
More time for guitar.

You dont want to go down the same road as Cobain.

At 13, the possibilities for rehab must be very bright. Are you getting rehab?

Hang in there Riley,although you may feel that the whole world is down on you at times you still have your family who cares about you and are supportive of you and a lot of people don't have that.I'm sure you also have the total support of your extended family here at the forum as a lot of us are going through life with varying degrees of physical and emotional problems as a physical problem usually becomes an emotional issue too.No matter how tough things may get you have to try to keep positive and don't bother yourself with self doubt.There are times when you can be your own worst enemy,I've been there believe me but with perseverence and support from my family and close friends I was able to get my life back on some semblence of a normal track.I don't know if there are any pain clinics in your area but I attended one and it was life changing.It would be worth your while to investigate that option as many countries now have world class pain treatment centers.Keep us posted and please have a great Christmas.We all care.If bullying is becoming a problem you must inform someone,a school counsellor or someone in authority,bullying is becoming universally frowned on(finally)and you must have these cowards brought to task.

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'65 Strat,65 Mustang,65 Jaguar,4 more Strats,3 vintage Vox guitars,5 Vox amps,'69 Bassman with a '68 2-15 Bassman cab,36 guitars total-15asst'd amps total,2 vintage '60s Hammond organs & a myriad of effects-with a few rare vintage ones.