Quitting a band...

texasguitarslinger · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:47 pm

I joined a band with a couple of my friends a while ago. It turns out they want to play top 40 (modern top 40) music of bands I've never heard of, we can never decide on a day to practice and when we do half the band is grounded, and it's just not working out. They also want to start getting gigs even though we've only had two band practices in band history, and I think that's just a stupid thing to do or even think about at this point. I want out, but I don't want to just say "oh by the way this sucks, I quit". My friends are still my friends. And there are other reasons to why I want to quit, particularly the fact that I need to focus on getting grades back up in the A or B range in school. How do I tell everyone I want to leave the band without offending anyone?

(By the way, this is a very new garage band I'm talking about here. My other band, at church, that I've been a part of for over a year is still going strong and I don't plan on quitting that band for a long time to come.)

nikininja · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:50 pm

Just tell em straight. Your being honest and doing them a favour. They may take what you have to say onboard and get their act together. You dont have to be brutal but dont lie. Honesty and truth are something every friend deserves.

rkreisher · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:29 pm

Tell them how you feel. Tell them you need to get your grades back up. Tell them that Top 40 music is not your cup of tea. Be nice about it, don't wait until the tension is so huge you explode.

RK

bill948 · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:08 pm

Hey, just tell 'em like you did us. If they are your friends, They should support what you need to do.

Good Luck

Bill

flamekaster · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:14 pm

Quitting a band or project is never easy! I just left a nashville artistwhich i was playing utility to take a spot in an up and coming texas/red dirt band. The nashville artist wasnt producing the gigs, or anything else, he had guaranteed us. I was offered this position as simply a lead guitar, and to follow others on this forum's advice i just shot it straight. I told him that this wasnt working for me, and i was offered a better gig. I finished a certain number of gigs i had left and went on my marry way and havent looked back

Syeklops · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:35 pm

texasguitarslinger wrote:

I joined a band with a couple of my friends a while ago. It turns out they want to play top 40 (modern top 40) music of bands I've never heard of, we can never decide on a day to practice and when we do half the band is grounded, and it's just not working out. They also want to start getting gigs even though we've only had two band practices in band history, and I think that's just a stupid thing to do or even think about at this point. I want out, but I don't want to just say "oh by the way this sucks, I quit". My friends are still my friends. And there are other reasons to why I want to quit, particularly the fact that I need to focus on getting grades back up in the A or B range in school. How do I tell everyone I want to leave the band without offending anyone?

(By the way, this is a very new garage band I'm talking about here. My other band, at Church, that I've been a part of for over a year is still going strong and I don't plan on quitting that band for a long time to come.)

I went through the same problems a few months ago. Same type of problems. I just told them like it is. Explained all my reasons, told them it was no longer fun........then left.

Funny thing now.........they're trying to get me to come back.

Just tell them how you feel.......and leave if that's what you want. I'm sure in no time you'll find some better people to play with, in a band.

Solid Body Love Songs · **Posted:** Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:44 pm

texasguitarslinger wrote:

I joined a band with a couple of my friends a while ago. It turns out they want to play top 40 (modern top 40) music of bands I've never heard of, we can never decide on a day to practice and when we do half the band is grounded, and it's just not working out. They also want to start getting gigs even though we've only had two band practices in band history, and I think that's just a stupid thing to do or even think about at this point. I want out, but I don't want to just say "oh by the way this sucks, I quit". My friends are still my friends. And there are other reasons to why I want to quit, particularly the fact that I need to focus on getting grades back up in the A or B range in school. How do I tell everyone I want to leave the band without offending anyone?

(By the way, this is a very new garage band I'm talking about here. My other band, at Church, that I've been a part of for over a year is still going strong and I don't plan on quitting that band for a long time to come.)

Texas, Happy Holidays. Quitting the band? How about "I'm so busy right now I can't do this for awhile call me in a few months maybe I won't be as busy then. Worked for me a couple of times. Is it too harsh?

Joelski · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:04 am

Grades before band. You answered your own question right there. You have a very, very slim chance of ever being signed to a recording contract, but the rest of your life will depend on how well you do in school and college.

texasguitarslinger · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:51 am

Thanks everyone, this helps me out a lot. I'm not very good at telling people I'm not enjoying myself, usually I just sort of stomach it for as long as I can. But I really can't afford to do that in this situation.

BigJay wrote:

Interesting...I was just in the exact situation.

New band.....played "variety" that turned into top-40.
Wanted to practice 3 times per week and gig once/twice a month
Hoped to get $1500 per gig, split between five bandmates.

It just wasnt going to work. I didnt like the songs. I couldnt practice 3x week. And $1500 ($300 each) doesnt get me excited. So here is what I told them....

I've been thinking about this and I've decided I "shouldnt" continue in this band. First, let me say that I enjoyed playing with you. You are all good people. However, I dont prefer the music you want to play and Im struggling to practice songs I dont like. So I doubt I'll get proficient enough. Second, this band cannot pay enough for me to support my family, even if we made 10 times the money. So, Im not playing in this band for the money. Lastly, my schedule wont allow me to practice so often consistently. Again I might not develop enough and I could be a problem. It wouldnt be fair to you guys if I insisted on staying in the band. So I'll keep playing through the gigs we have scheduled now, or until you get another player in my place. No hard feelings.

Professional....show you care about them....nothing personal....

And that really helps too, since that was what I was trying to think of a way to communicate.

Shredd6 · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:54 am

Who's paying $1,500 a gig? Tell us where to go . I'm down. Our band would be all over that.

Shredd6 · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:59 am

Texasguitarslinger, you should always be playing what you like. Otherwise it just isn't fun. Be honest with them. We love our last drummer. Nobody wanted to see him leave, and he still comes to our shows. But he was very honest, and told us that he just needed to get a second job and couldn't commit to making shows. We all appreciated his honesty, and he's still a great friend to this band.

6twang · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:54 am

bill948 wrote:

Hey, just tell 'em like you did us. If they are your friends, They should support what you need to do.

Good Luck

Bill

I agree that this is the best way to do it. Just let them know that your church band comes first and you can't follow their practice schedule and it would be better for you to keep up your grades in school also. Sounds simple enough.

grungedude · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:01 pm

I went through the same problems. I was in a band with my friends and we all have different musical tastes. They wanted to play a deathcore type of sound, and I'm not a big fan of that music. So I just told them that I didn't feel right and thanks for the opportunity in being in the band.

guitslinger · **Posted:** Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:22 pm

Personally I think the term"Top 40 Music"is an oxymoron lol.But aside from that,be honest and upfront with your buddies if they are true friends and not complete flakes they'll respect you for it.Just tell them straight up and diplomatically that the music they've chosen to play isn't your cup of tea and that you want to play something you can feel and really get focused on.Good luck.

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