How about poking some fun at ourselves or any other instrumentalists.
I love this one-

How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?

Evidently all of them.

Q - How do you get guitarists to play softer?


A - Give them a sheet of music.

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Being able to play and enjoy music is a gift that's often taken for granted.

Don't leave home without it!

Q - How do you get the bass player off your porch?


A - Pay for the pizza.


BTW, good one JOE

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“All music is folk music, I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.” Louis Armstrong

Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They won't touch anything electric.

>________>

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I traded my car in for a microphone.

Q- How do you know when a stage is level?



A- The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth.

more an observation but:

a guitarist spends half the time tunning their guitar, the other half playing out of tune.

drummer and a bassist in a taxi, which ones the musician?

the taxi driver

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Fender Blacktop Stratocaster HH Sonic Blue

Fender american special telecaster Olympic White

Squier Vintage Modified Jaguar Surf Green

Vox VT40+

Q: Where does the guitar player live?

A: With his girlfriend, because he can't afford a place of his own.

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Old age and treachery will win every time over youth and enthusiasm.

"You can never have too many Tele's." A quote from my Sweetwater Sales Engineer

Q: What do you call that creepy smelly guy who's always hanging around musicians?

A: The bass player!!


Q: How many keyboard players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 11, One changes it, then the other ten sit around and discuss how Rick Wakeman might have done it!

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I'm not an expert, but I play one on the internet.

Who is a musicians best friend: a drummer

If you have a bass player in the family and he is away on tour, what do you tell your friends?

He is in the State Pen on a bank robbery rap.

What do you call a Gibson player?

Out of tune, out of tone, and out of luck!

Hmm... I like Gibsons somewhat. And the out of tone statement is bogus lol

This is a play on some:

How many guitarists does it take to set up a TV?

20. One to do it, and the other nineteen to say how they could've done a better job of it.

What has three legs and an @$%hole on top?

A drummer's stool.

-The Screamin' J

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CURRENT RIG:
2008 Squier bullet stratocaster modified with Rumpelstiltskin pickups -> Dunlop GCB-95 Original Crybaby -> Fender Vibro Champ XD

"Could you take the stain from this pair of pants, and put in on this pair of pants?"

Theres a all Girl Rock band, redhead drummer two and brunettes playing rhythm and bass and a blonde playing lead and vocals. Well the blonde heard the others were not happy with her playing and started screening others. Upset she brought a gun to the next rehearsal and pull it out and held it to her head , the other members yell don't do that and she said shut up you guys are next

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The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

Thomas Jefferson

Why are guitar players not demanding cell phones with tubes...they will certainly sound better?

One night I came home late and I stood there, fumbling around trying to find the right key...

...and I realized that's what a bass player feels like all the time!




What do you call it when you throw an oboe into a wood chipper from forty feet?

Perfect Pitch!



How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

100...one to change it and 99 to say, "I can do that better than he can!"

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Good Vibes To Y'all!



Screamin' Armadillos
Texas Roadhouse Music
Guitar/Slide Guitar/Harp/Vocals

A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.

Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"

Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."

"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.

The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.

The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."

HA! A new one!

Did you write that? 'Cause if you did, you're my hero.