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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:55 pm
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Martian wrote:
It took me decades to finally come to the point of realization that in my circles, for better or worse, there's only worse. The grief was always outweighing the enjoyment and so, I had to ask myself the question, Why do I continually torture myself for a diminishing return? So, after the above episode, I stopped playing in bands and only selectively do gigs or sessions when someone calls me. The irony here is that they are obviously still, many bands having conflicts with their 'usual' guitarist or bassist and that's why I get the call. Now, I show up for a rehearsal or two (thoroughly prepared and on time, of course), do the job, get my kicks and GET PAID, DRAMA FREE!

NEVER AGAIN will I be a full time member of a band! I go in as the, "hired help", do my job to the best of my ability and when the next call comes, I either accept it or reject it depending on the circumstances; no stress, no grief. You might want to try this avenue.


Martian you could of just saved me 10 years. I hit exactly the same point in italy 3 years ago. Gave the band 2 more gigs and flew back to england, sick of the mini drama's. I'd better brush up on my reading skills, your method looks to be the way forward. I can count 4 bands now that i know, that are having problems with their guitarist or bassist. No commitment just a diary. Looks the way forward to me.

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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:42 am
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EllenW wrote:
+1 to what Niki said, congratulations to you both for getting over the troubles with your health.


Thank you also for the kind words. I won't go to much more into that particular issue other than to say that it has given me a whole new perspective on what is actually important to me in life.

Quote:
In the interests of thinking laterally, just wanted to mention about a guy I saw perform in town recently, he's a solo guitarist who tours coffee shops. I have a feeling he probably has a long history of unhappy bands and not loving playing in bars, and this is the life he's settled on, but he seems to have a following and has a few CDs out - his whole apartment is a recording studio, according to his MySpace site. So he's forged his own way to have a music career and keep performing....So, the point is, a band doesn't necessarily have to be two guitars, bass and drums to work. If you and your wife work well together and have something to express musically, maybe that ensemble would work on its own, and you don't need the other yahoos.


My wife and I have in fact done this in the past. There for a while at least, "unplugged classic rock" was really popular and we did a couple of shows with just her and I and the acoustic with her singing. This is certainly fine and all but we both do enjoy working in a full band...at least when we can get the right people. When we do everything acoustic, there is a tendency for us to gravitate towards "folk" and while that is certainly a facet of both of our tastes, I guess you could say that be both have "rock and roll hearts" as well. The acoustic stuff is fun to do on the side, but it's not the only thing that either of us want to do.


Martian wrote:

We were rehearsing for a major gig which was only days away. This one night the keyboard player's wife arrived in a singularly foul mood, far worse than her usual one. She stands up between songs and announces to him in front of us all, and I quote, "It's your organ or my organ, take your choice, once and for all!" He immediately looked at the floor, proceeded to pack up his stuff and left on the spot. No further words were exchanged. She thoroughly emasculated this poor slob in front of us all. Believe me, he, nor the rest of the band needed or deserved this. We all stood there silent and stunned until...


Man...I so hear you on this. I've known many a good musician who ended up with "the ultimatum" from a spouse or significant other. I had a very dear friend many years ago who was a very talented bass player and a decent keyboard player...to be brief here, when he got married, his wife's parents wouldn't allow their daughter to marry a guy who was just a waiter and musician. The guy ended up getting a "straight job" and last I heard worked 14-16 hours a day at a job he hated because he hated being with his family even more...very very sad.

Personally I was quite lucky here in that I married another musician...I'm perhaps one of the very few guitar players out there who can honestly say "my wife understands me", LOL!!! Of course this does mean that when I go out and buy a new guitar, the next week I have to get her a new mic or a new drum or something! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-------

From all the comments here, I guess I'm glad that I'm not alone with this. I really didn't mean for all of this to get quite as "intense" as it has...again I just needed to vent a little to get some of it out of my system. I've been playing for over 25 years now and I certainly know all of the ups and downs with putting a band together and I actually do accept the consequences. Most of the time it doesn't bother me too much, it's just that some days I kind of feel like my head is going to explode. Music is of course a very dear passion of mine and I do take it rather seriously...it's just hard to figure out the mentality behind some of these people who claim to be musicians. Of course, perhaps that's the real issue here...there are lots of guitar players and drummers and such out there, but not quite as many "musicians".

Anyways, thanks to all for listening and your comments and words of encouragement. As I said originally, I'm not giving and I -will- get this turkey to fly eventually. Now that I've gotten some of this out of my system, I can take a deep breath and get back to work :D.

Peace,
Jim


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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 10:40 am
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Even The Beatles broke up....


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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:23 am
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Hey Hey FenderCats-

Nice Thread ! All of us who are currently in a band or have been in the past can sypathize with you.

6 months ago we fired our Lead Singer. It was hard because he was a friend but...he wasn't very good, didn't help load or unload gear, and began to be a real pain in the $@!. We craiglisted for another singer and found a really good one...who is just weird enough to hang with us and has a powerful voice.

Our Bass Player is 14- he is the son of our drummer. We kept on loosing bass players and decided to give the kid a try- he is a phenom! All in all it has worked out for the best and we are a better band because of it.

I actually like band rehearsals- I agree that we all must do our homework but getting together every Friday night with the guys to rock out our material in the comfort of our warehouse studio is great. We gig about twice a month right now and thats alright... with us. We are all family guys and we all appreciate the wives letting us have the time to live out our rock and roll dream.

Stay with it- Things will work out as long as you keep on trying-

Peace

The Freeze

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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 2:24 pm
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Wow that's a pretty sad story man!
I'm only 15/16, and I've never been in a band, so maybe the things I have to say arn't based on experience. Anyway:
I do think you have very high demands, as you said yourself. Stick to that. Stick to your own principles. You'll find the right people eventually.
Sorry to say that I do really understand the "kids" your talking about. They're just enjoying their youth. But ofcourse, I also understand your annoyance, since you just want to play properly, and get in the mood.
At that age, it'll prolly be hard, because all your band members will have families and work and stuff, but I heard in another thread that sunday is the right day.
I don't know who said this again, but I think you SHOULD have band practice, but combined with home-self-teaching. It's ok to teach eachother new stuff during that practice.

Anyway, make sure you don't lose faith in music, because that's one of the worst things I can imagine, besides diseases like cancer.
Congratulations on your wifes and your own recovery by the way.
Groetjes uit Holland,
the Jerm
PS: If you ever travel to the netherlands, I'll buy you a beer too. And you really seem to pull out the long posts out of everyone my man!

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Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:32 pm
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Coupla things my brother.

As you get older, life gets in the way sometimes.
--Wife, kids, job, mortgage, these can push "band" to the back burner fast.

Lots of folks are products of the "instant generation".
-- They want to be rich and famous. It's not really about playing.


Hang in there, do it because you love it. Maybe do some acoustic stuff at coffe houses and street fairs, there you might meet other like minded enthusiastic people who could eventually become bandmates.

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Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:34 pm
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I count myself fortunate to be from the most gifted area, as far as skills per persons goes, I know. I have many talented friends, in everything from guitar :D , to piano, singing (Heck yes!), etc. Many of them are waayy better than me. ( But I pride myself in being more "well rounded" 8) . Haha, just kidding.)

36 Crazyfists hails from here, the lead singer of the band "Chasing Daybreak" (new, but very good) is from here, Jewel is from Homer (a neighboring town), and there are just sooo many guys (and girls) my age that are... amazing, and really, I am, again, no where near as good as they are.

So... it's not quite so hard for me to start a band. Sadly, the music scene here isn't good because nobody puts on shows other than the cage fight organizers. Sometimes somebody comes, but... no giant names. Also, I don't know about guys your age. I know there are some really talented guys, but... eh, I don't know what would happen if, say, you were to come here and try to start a band.

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