What do you call a boomarang that won't come back?


A stick.

This one is a little racy, but not intended to offend anyone at all.

what do you call 3 whites pushing a car up a hill?
white power.
what do you call 3 blacks pushing a car up a hill?
black power
what do you call 3 mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
grand theft auto~

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You say Miley Cyrus, I say Jimi Hendrix.
You say Jonas Brothers, I say Van Halen.
You say Soulja Boy, I say Slash.
You say Pop, I say ROCK!!!!
80% of kids are listening to Pop and Rap with cussing. Please... bring Rock back...

A woman was at home watching the evening news when the reporter broke in with a News Flash, "Wrong-Way Driver Heading Down The Freeway."

Realizing that it was the same freeway her husband commuted home on, she called him on his cell. "Honey, be careful. There's a wrong-way driver on the road." The husband replied, "No kidding, there's like hundreds of them!"

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“All music is folk music, I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.” Louis Armstrong

Did you know every hour someone falls for an internet scam?
That person is my grandma~

Whats the difference between the Joker and my Grandma?
One weres creepy makeup and stabs people, the other is in the batman movie~!

Who would win in a fight, slash, or God?
Trick question, slash is god~

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You say Miley Cyrus, I say Jimi Hendrix.
You say Jonas Brothers, I say Van Halen.
You say Soulja Boy, I say Slash.
You say Pop, I say ROCK!!!!
80% of kids are listening to Pop and Rap with cussing. Please... bring Rock back...

+1

why dont you hit a mexican on a bike


b/c it could be yours

dont mean to offend

A kid is spending the week at his grandparents and he sees his grandpa drinking a beer so he asks for a sip and his grandfather says,"well can your d__k reach your @sshole?" and the kid says, "no" , so the grandfather says, "well you arent nam enough yet sorry".

Later the gradpa is smoking a cigar and the kid asks to try it and his grandfather says,"well can your d__k reach your @sshole?" and the kid says, "no" , so the grandfather says, "well you arent man enough yet sorry".

After that the kid is in the kitchen eating cookies and the grandpa comes in and asks for one and the kids says ," well can your d__k reach your @sshole?" and the grandpa confidently says, "yes" then the kid says "well then go f___ your self grandma made these for me "

An old woman goes to the doctor and says Dr my farts don't smell and they don't make any noise at all. The Dr keeps examining her as she says, in fact I'm farting right now but you cant tell because they make no noise and don't smell. The Dr says uh huh. He finishes the examination and writes her a prescription and says take these pills and come back in 2 weeks. 2 weeks later she comes back and says, Dr. what was in those pills it makes my farts smell terrible. Then Dr says now that we have you sinuses straightened out lets work on your hearing.

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With every mistake we must surely be learning..

Music is the space between the notes.

The Joke was on the Seattle Mariners

Now he has a sore Butt and has to rest a week and the season has not even started.

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The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

Thomas Jefferson

I got a dog for my wife the other day, good drade dont you think?

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor says "Sir, you're going have to stop masturbayting."
The guys asks why.
The doctor says "So I can examine you."

Question: "Howzit dat peepulls taday jus kant spel an git gramer rite?"
Reply: "Prolly dey duzent gives a krap..... "
Conclusion: "OIC.... constipation, eh?"

heard this one at school today:

The Italian (so speak with an italian accent, otherwise it won't make sense)
One day I gonna to Malta to a bigga hotel, in the morning I go down to eat-a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch !

Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a spoon and a knife but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fork" and she tell me: "everyone wanna f@?k ". I tell her "you donna understand me... I wanna fork on the table". She say: "you better not f@?k on the table you sonnawabitch" !

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to go da toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed". He say: "you better not $@!& on the bed, you sonnawabitch" !

I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said "peace on you", and I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch". I gonna back to Italy !

(yes I copy pasted it, cause I couldn't remember the entire thing.)
if you go to this site you'll hear it pronounced too: http://www.volny.cz/inon/malta.html

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mama turtle , papa turtle and baby turtle one sunny summer sunday prepare to go on a picnic , as they are wrapping up papa turtle says "if we're ready then lets go" mama turtle says "we're ready dear" baby turtle says "yea pop lets go" and off they went . after about six months mama turtle says "oh dear maybe we should stop for a while" and papa turtle said "we're right on schedule lets keep going" , so , then after about 18 months baby turtle said "pop could we stop for a little while now we are getting close" and papa turtle said "thats why we'll keep going" , so , after two years and eight months they are at the picnic area right by a big beautiful tree emptying the picnic baskets and papa turtle said "i think i'll have a beer , honey which basket is the opener in" and mama turtle said "you should know that was an item of yours to pack" and papa turtle said "i told you to pack the opener honey" mama and papa turtle stared at each other for a moment and then both looked at baby turtle , baby turtle said "why are you looking at me i don't have the opener wait just a minute i'm not leaving" , and papa turtle said "now baby we can't have a picnic without an opener" and baby turtle said "then one of you go and i'll wait here" and mama turtle said "baby you know that you're much faster than we are just hurry up and we'll wait" and baby turtle said "everything will be eaten by the time i get back" and papa turtle said "baby we promise we won't eat anything until you get back" and baby turtle said "you promise you won't eat until i come back" and mama and papa said "we promise now hurry up" and off went baby turtle . after about six months papa turtle looked over at mama turtle and mama turtle said "don't you even think about it we promised" and then after a year papa turtle again looked at mama turtle and this time said "honey a few raisins just to " and mama turtle shot back "papa we promised now we have to wait" about 17 months has gone by and mama and papa turtle are both getting a little hungry papa turtle says "honey we'll just have a few nuts" mama turtle says "but we promised" papa turtle says "look we will each have just one bite" mama turtle says "just one bite" and just then baby turtle jumps out from behind the big tree and says "aha i knew that you would start without me"!

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

A blonde walks into the library and asks the librarian at the front desk "Could I Have A Hamburger , French Fries And A Coke Please?" the librarian answered " ma'am this is a library." the blonde whispered "could i have a hamburger , french fries and a coke please?".

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

a middle aged married couple very much in love were going to sleep one night the tv went off and then the lights and while the wife was just drifting to sleep she felt her husbands hand gently rubbing the outside of her left arm and then he continued up the inside of her arm and then down along her body , delighted because it felt so good the wife lay there as her husband repeated the same process on her right side but then stopped , the wife said to her husband "honey that felt so good why did you stop?" and the husband said "honey i found the remote."

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.