A man walks into a bar and says" gimme 12 shots of whiskey!"
The Bartender sets him up and the man drinks them down quickly without taking a breath. The Bartender says"Man, why do you drink like that?"
The man says" you would drink like this if you had what I have..."
The barternder says"Well what do you have?" The man says "75 cents!"

Okay here’s the short version and you can add/modified at your fancy.

Three guys are in a bar when a mutual friend enters carying a suitcase. He sees them and comes to say hi and they invite him for a beer.

“Say, what’s with the suitcase?”

“Check this out you wont believe your eyes”

He opens the suitcase and brings out a small scale concert piano and a shoe box. He opens the box and a tiny eleven inches living pianist comes out, acknowledges the crowd, sits at the piano and plays a short tune. Once done, he waves at the crowd, goes back in the shoe box and waits. Then our guy puts the piano and the shoe box back in the suitcase and asks for comments.

“Wow where did you get this, we could make millions out of it”

“Well you could get anything you want. But first you have to go to a certain mountain, then on top of the mountain there is a secret cave. Once you’re in the cave, look for a lamp then rub it until the genie comes out and then you can ask him anything you want. But I must warn you, make sure he understood exactly what you are asking from him because I think he is almost deaf.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well if I could ask him anything I wanted in the world with no limits, do you really think that I would have asked him for an eleven inches pianist?”



Claude.

An acoustic guitar-playing singer was trying to put a band together and found everyone but a pedal steel player. He put ads in the paper, called talent agents and checked at every music store in the area. One day he was driving around thinking maybe HE should buy a pedal steel and learn to play it. Next thing you know he came upon a pawn shop and wandered in. He began looking over the musical items along one side of the store when the owner came out and asked: "What-cha' lookin' fo' bub?"

"Steel guitar...."

"You take one an' walk out that door without payin'...... I'll shoot ya' !!!!"
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Then there's the very eccentric musician who invited a new-found friend over to his place for the first time. The visitor sits down to chat in a room with several Strats and a Thinline on display. They begin talking about their mutual tastes in music when something starts ringing. The host jumps up, grabs the odd axe, flips the 3-way and begins talking into the sound hole. After he says 'goodbye' he notices the weird look on his visitor's face and explains: "I got me a REAL Tele-phone !!!"

As it turns out, the host bought all his guitars with profits he made calling people up and helping Fender to unload a lot of extra Thinlines. Yes... he was the definitive Tele-marketer !!" (Saw THAT coming, didn't you?) hehehehe

OK.... What's a worse pun? How about the guy who had eyes so bad he could barely see and his only concept of the term 'electric guitar' was the first type Leo ever made..... apparently he had Tele-vision !

Mmmmmm; Maybe this one is the worst.... Ever! What do you call it when Thinlines talk to each other? It's actual Tele-communications...... hahahaha

A dog walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman is astonished - a talking dog! However, he plays it cool and serves the dog a beer, which he drinks.

Next day the barman is at work when a customer comes in and asks for a drink. It is immediately obvious what the guy does for a living: he's wearing a tailcoat, sparkly bowtie and a top hat. He's a circus ringmaster.

They get chatting and the barman says, "You should have been here yesterday; I had a customer you'd have been very interested to meet. A talking dog!"

The ringmaster says, "Hey yeah? Amazing - if you ever see that talking dog again tell him to come and see me."

Next day the barman is at work when in comes the talking dog again and asks for a beer. As he's serving it the barman says, "Had a circus ringmaster in here yesterday who wants to meet you. I think he'd like to give you a job."

"Really?" says the dog. "Why - does he need a trombone player?"


Cheers - C

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a
Texas Gentleman are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians
can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Texan says, 'I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out;
it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Texan sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar,
smiles and says,

'Fill it with water.'

In Chicago a Rabbit was wanted on suspicion of terrorism. With an arrest eminent he ran into the forest preserve. Now being Federal Land, this yielded a 3 division task force… the CIA, FBI and the Chicago PD.

The CIA spokesman met the press in front of the woods and stated that they can neither confirm nor deny the existence of wither the rabbit nor the woods.

The FBI ran into the woods. Came out shortly thereafter with the Woods on fire. Spokesman for the FBI said, “The profile of the rabbit, states that he has a pyromaniac persona and that he was last seen with a gas can.”

Chicago PD ran into the burning forest and came out dragging a brown bear by the scruff of the neck. The Bear had a black eye, and was last heard uttering, “I am the rabbit, I swear…”

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AmDlx HSS
62 Hot Rod
Luke w/Piezo
Carvin Belair

A Wisconsin dairy farmer and a Texas cattle rancher were talking shop at the annual Cattlemen's Convention.

The Texas cattle rancher puffed up his chest and said "Son, on my ranch, I can get up in the morning, get in my truck, drive all day till sundown, and still be on my ranch."

The Wisconsin dairy farmer said "Yea, I used to have a truck like that too."

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“All music is folk music, I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.” Louis Armstrong

I thought it said Greatest Choke

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The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.

Thomas Jefferson

Two musicians walk past a bar....

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The blues ain't nothin but a good man feelin bad.

Doctor doctor what happened to the boy who swallowed those coins?

"no change yet"

I got some joke but they're a little bit racist....

Did you know Arabic for:

1. battery
2. steel
3. drunk
4. UFO
5. prison
6. math difficulty



the answers are:

1. Al-kaline
2. Al-uminum
3. Al-cohol
4. Al-ien
5. Al-catraz
6. Al-gebra

bros , two very pretty blonde girls were taking a drive in their new convertible through the golden fields of corn in nebraska when the pretty blonde driver looks over and sees' two beautiful bikini'd blonde girls rowing a row boat in the middle of the corn field not going anywhere but rowing feverishly , the driver says to the passenger "its blonde girls doing things like that , that gives us a bad name " and the pretty blonde passenger said " you know you're right and if i could swim i'd go out there and drown both of them " .

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you can save the world with your guitar one love song at a time it's just better, more fun, easier with a fender solid body electric guitar or electric bass guitar.

Do you realize that if you tried to re-set the neck on your Tele, Strat, Jazz Master, Jaguar, et al.... to the same angle a Gibson is set at, that you'd be involved in a bit of a "Fender Bender" ? hehehehe

... and just in case you didn't know:
The angle of the dangle equals the mangle of the tangle.

A farmer is having a very good day, so he drives into town to celebrate. He goes to a bar and orders a glass of champagne. A beautiful woman sitting at the bar notices and says, "What a coincidence, I'm drinking champagne, too".

The farmer says, "I'm celebrating", to which the woman says, "What a coincidence, I'm celebrating, too. What are you celebrating?"

The farmer says, "For a long time my hens haven't laid any fertilized eggs but this morning all of them laid fertilized eggs. What are you celebrating?"

The woman says, "My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a long time and haven't been able to. But, I just came from my doctor and he says that now I am." Then she asks the farmer, "What did you do to get the chickens to finally lay fertilized eggs after so long?"

The farmer replied, "I used a different c_ck."

Then the woman said, "What a coincidence..."

If you can't see the bright side of your life, polish the dull side!