This is a joke contest~! gimme your best joke!


My joke: ... so this guy walks into a bar and says... "ouch"

get it? hahahaha

_________________
You say Miley Cyrus, I say Jimi Hendrix.
You say Jonas Brothers, I say Van Halen.
You say Soulja Boy, I say Slash.
You say Pop, I say ROCK!!!!
80% of kids are listening to Pop and Rap with cussing. Please... bring Rock back...

Four Worms and a lesson to be learned:
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol -Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation -What did you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'
That pretty much ended the service!

how do you fit six elephants inside a beattle car?
**********
********
********
**********
********
*********
*********
***********
*************
********
**********
******
************
************
*******

three in the front and three in the back

How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

same here

Ok here is a joke the invisible man goes to see a doctor. He go to he clinic and asked nurse that if doctor got time. Then the nurse goes to the doctor and says "invisible man is here and he wants to see you" and the doctor said "tell him I can't see him right now"

Desperately trying to think of a clean one........okay

This guy goes to the doctor's and says
" Hey doc, I've got this strawberry stuck up my butt "
Doc say's
" Okay, I'll give you some cream for that "

Did you know Helen Keller had a playset in her backyard?



Neither did she.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

_________________
The time has gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say.

So a bear and a rabbit are taking a $@!& in the woods...the bear asks the rabbit "do you ever have problems with $@!& sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no, why?" the bears says "GOOD!" and wipes his $@! with him...haha thats funny stuff

Man goes to his doctor complaining about not being able to hear. Doctor says the reason you can't hear is that there is a suppository stuck in your ear. The man says, "Now I know where my hearing aid is..."

_________________
2008 MIA Telecaster Crimson Red
2009 Highway 1 Telecaster Sunburst Maple
2010 Martin D-1
Vox Pathfinder 15R
Vox Night Train 15W
WhiteBox Cab w/12in Eminence Man O' War

It ain't no sin to be glad you're alive...

ok Why Not?

The Aristocrats

A family of 5 (2 parents ,1 boy,1 girl and a baby) go into a talent agency and ask for a apointment with a talent managet, the manager tells them he does not manage family acts. The father says "well just watch our act first" the manager says OK.

(Insert chronalogical rauncy things here)

The manager says "well that was one hell of a act whats it called" the father responds with "The Aristocrats."

_________________
Just a amatuer looking for tips

Current Gear:
1968 Kay Strat
Kramer Focus 111S
Johnson 15w amp
Squier Black and Chrone Special Tele

What's brown and sticky?










A stick.


Cheers - C

If girls with big breasts work at Hooters...

where do girls with one leg work...

I-HOP